sleep less nights part 2

here i am again.. unable to have a shut-eye.. still a lot of things on my mind..

earlier today.. i was able to meet up with some friends.. finally! our plans pushed through.. but just being with them has put alot more on my mind..

i was able to release some stree from all that has been happening lately.. to share some hurt and feelings to friends i-so-totally trust.. and they, choosing to see it in my light, gave me more strength to fight for myself.. just because he couldn't.

just now as well.. i asked a small favor from a friend concerning my despedida (when? i honestly don't know..).. there were alot of things that were supposed to be done by this one person who has recently left my whole life.. and now i feel bad.. and i really don't know who would help me with me despedida..


then soon my friends go talking about college.. *sigh* their dorms, their blockmates, their subjects and stuff.. which i certainly can't relate to..

i feel envious.. alone.. and sad.. coz i'll be stuck at home for three months with nothing to do.. no one to talk to.. because all my friends are at school.. living a normal college life.. or at their dorms.. so close to each other.. while i'm just at home.. by myself.. *sigh*

i feel sad coz i ain't got nothing to talk about.. nothing to share.. maybe when i'm in london, then some stories can be shared.. i people would..

look for me..

miss me..

though there was one person i was hoping who'd do that for me.. but now that person.. well.. is.. gone.. *sigh* and now, i'm not so sure anymore.

oh why do i think too much?

i have learned to let go.. but not yet how to detach myself from things.. especially all the memories i can still recall.. it'll be a lot easier to move on then.. and really say..


Friday, May 20, 2005 | 11:27 PM | 4 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

sleep less nights

it's late already.. and i ain't sleepy at all.. this has been happening for the past few nights.. sometimes i can't sleep 8 houirs straight.. or at least.. every now and then, i would wake up.. after a few minutes.. a few hours.. check my phone.. and then go back to sleep.. don't really know why..

is it because there's a lot of things bothering me right now? that ain't easy to just forget or set aside..

but why do i feel like i'm so drained? like i'm so tired? but i've not been doing much though.. just watching t.v, lying on my bed, eating, using my phone and listening to music.. that ain't stressful or is it?

so why do i feel so weak?

my firend then told me maybe i was just so emotionally stressed out from all that has happened in the past three weeks.. i can't believe i was able to handle it so far.. my head's so heavy.. my mind's blank.. my body feels numb.. like it's so hard to just even stand up.. or get up from bed..

now what's the remedy for feeling like this?


stress-free day? (how's that?)

death? (too morbid, i know!)

all i pray for now is one day.. when i wake up to start a new day.. i would feel light and..


ooopps...... gotta sleep.. they're making me sleep already..

though i know i'll just be staring at the ceiling for a couple of minutes (or hours.. who knows?) and be twisting and turning in bed for sure..

if only they knew.. maybe then.. just maybe then.. they'd understand.. or i wish they would..

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 | 11:30 PM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

It's the choices we make that make us different

we are born in these world full of chioices we have to make.. from the moment we wake up.. before we go to sleep.. every day ther's a choice we must make..

and for some people, they choose to be like brick walls.. so cemented in their own opinions and viewpoints that when someone dares to confront them, it's a collision.. it's their way or no way.. they're always right.. never wrong they know it all and will try to control it all.. even if they are wrong..

Monday, May 16, 2005 | 10:53 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

If love was a battle, then i lost but died fighting for the one i love.

| 10:12 PM | 4 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here

Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?
Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it
through the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start,
to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning,
only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

| 4:30 AM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

waking up from a wonderful dream

i woke with a scream.. pespiring from the tension and fears i have encountered in my sleep..

nah... not really...

i just woke up to face reality.. i am learning to live life on my own.. to survive on my own.. without a partner.. it's that hard really.. i've done this before..

come on.. it's not that hard.. right?

yeah right who am i kidding? i feel like someone important just died..

so i'm in mourning..

when the relationship started, i had full hopes that it would last.. but then some things were never meant to last.. some things change.. not always for better.. but sometimes for worst as well..

but this just wasn't the way i imagined things would end.. because before i knew it.. we were'nt together anymore.. as simple as that.. it's all over..

with just a single word..


then tears fell.. and i wish they would stop.. but they just kept pouring.. like you jst opened a faucet.. and let all the water flow.. oh how wish it would stop.. but there's no other way i could let this all out..did i have to stand upside down to stop them from falling? nah.. i know even if i did that, the pain would'nt go away.. but i've got to be strong anyway..

just like waking up from my sleep.. and from a dream.. a wonderful dream that ended badly.. terribly..

and now, it's time to face the real world and live my life..

as if nothing happened..

Saturday, May 14, 2005 | 2:24 AM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Q 101

Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 | 10:50 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y


My Friends: Nothing but the best.

Sunday, May 08, 2005 | 1:59 AM | 4 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Q 101

Oh, I have loved himtoo much to feel no hate for him.

-Jean Racine

*yeah right. hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!*

Saturday, May 07, 2005 | 8:02 PM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

the questions with no answers

falling in love makes you ask questions beginning with how and why... that i got from a friend... you ask why... you ask how... and you seldom get answers... you ask questions like why him?, why me?, why us?, why now?, why this?, why that? and so on and so forth...

now i ask my questions..

aren't i suppose to be happy because the one i love is mine?
am i supposed to be contented with the fact we're in a relationship?
is love all that really matters?
what makes a relationship last?
can one person carry the whole relationship?
is one person strong enough to carry the whole relationship?
how do you know when one relationship is over?
when do you realize things weren't supposed to last?
how would when the other one wants out of the relationship?
am i strong enough to carry our relationship on my own?
am i too much of martyr in staying or do i just believe this is something different?
why do my friends get involved in the circumstances?
does that make me a bad friend or girlfriend or just simply a bad person?
am i being judged for what i have been doing in this relationship?
is there something wrong with me?
why do i hold so much?
is it so hard to let go?
is it happening again?
am i becoming a nagger?
am i asking for too much?
why is he so insecure?
why must he be so insecure?
why is it all my fault?
was i stupid to believe in him and let my heart get broken for the third time?
why do i feel like my life is falling apart?
how do you know if it's time to really let go and move on?
does he even feel or know that he, too, has shortcomings and mistakes as well?
why does he act so childish and immature?
why is he being so unfair?
does he know he's being unfair?
how could he just forget special bondings and friendships?
don't they mean anything to him?
or was it because of me?
does he really love me enough just to let me go?
does he really trust me?
why won't he believe me?
does he really think i could have another boyfriend while i was with him?

how hard is it to let go?
why should we learn to let go?
why do we get hurt when we experience break-ups?
what is the first step in letting go?
can two people really be friends after their relationship was a failure?
how would you know if one relationship is a failure or not?
why should we have to get hurt?
why have i experienced this kind of hurt now when others haven't fallen in love yet?
am i ready to experience this kind of pain?
am i strong enough?
or do i just have good friends who would never leave my side?
would i fall him for the fourth time?
will i be able to handle it for the fourth time?
why do other relationships last?

why didn't ours?

Thursday, May 05, 2005 | 2:18 PM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Accepting what's in front of you

blaming others is a onvenient way to avoid responsibility of one's own action, but in the long run, they are only hurting themselves, denying their need for forgiveness and stunting their spiritual growth.. accepting our failures and mistakes.. and learning form them is how we mature.. it's how we train ourselves to make the right decisions next time..

so that's why we should also careful about the things we do and don't do what we say or don't say.. sure.. we might get a second, third or fourth chance to make things right later.. but sometimes we don't even a "take two".. ryt?

Sunday, May 01, 2005 | 10:31 PM | 4 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

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