just thinking about it

hmm... 3 years, 36 months. yes, it has been 3 years. the way time flies. just imagine how many things could happen in that span of time. looking back, it just makes me feel so old. haha. but i'm sure if there was a point in that 3 years i actually stopped feeling this way. maybe i have. maybe i forgot for a day or two. maybe i tried. but i guess it wasn't possible. it's now even stronger than before, despite all the different circumstances.

i always ask myself why. why does it have to be this way? why can't it be like the others? why must be life so unfair? why do we keep coming back to this? it's really confusing at first because we've done this so many times before. we've given up and tried again over and over. and yet we're still here.

sometimes it's like an addiction or vice you can't just quit. no matter how hard you try, you just can't get it out of your system. the way you feel so high and light and happy without any pain in the world. and yet if you lose it, you'd feel all the emptiness inside of you. you'd feel all the longing and wanting for some more. that somehow the pain of losing would hurt really really bad. like you have a stinging pain in your heart like you've been stabbed for real. you cry and cry while you shout and scream for it. but no one hears you. no one's gonna help you unless you help yourself. then one day you realize you must move on. life does not stop for you. you're getting better. you're now okay. until that day you are face to face again with the thing that caused you to break down, to lose it. it still feels good, but you know you shouldn't do it. what would you choose? would you just be brave enough to walk away or take the risk of going for it without any guarantees in life?

why do i keep fighting for this? why am i so hard-headed and stubborn to keep wanting this? it's just crazy. it's insane. somehow, it's not right. but i'm stuck. i'm bound to this for as long as it takes. i'm not complaining at all. like i said, i'm just thinking about it.

and whatever happens in the years to come, i don't care. all i know is that right now i'm happy with what i'm feeling. and if it doesn't really work, i'm grateful for whole experience because something like this only happens once in a lifetime. [*nax. haha!] enjoy life. we all deserve to be happy. take risks. someday they'll be worth it.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 | 4:13 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

just some advice i found online

~> this is for those in long-distance relationships and want to make it work. however it is also important for those in a relationship and may be going through a rough time.

1. No matter how frustrated you feel, always remember that this is not how it will be forever.

2. DO NOT focus on your sadness. When i feel sad, I always go to the gym and by the end of the workout i feel better. [what i suggest that you can do is spend alot more time with friends or take up a hobby]

3. Keep busy! It's so important to stay active and live your life, don't hold back from doing the normal day to day stuff. I found myself not going out as much and it made me very low, doesn't help the relationship.

4. DO NOT feel guilty about getting with things. You cannot put your life on hold because your loved one isn't around. It's one thing feeling sad and another hiding away.

5. BE STRONG. It's so hard, and at times very lonely, keep good friends and family around you.

Thursday, February 22, 2007 | 11:16 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

My Celebrity Look-alikes

Saturday, February 17, 2007 | 12:32 PM;
sprinklinq love Y

in the week that passed.

February 16, 2007

ok. so let's review. my hell week of mock exams has finished and it's now half-term break. yes, hell week because i just got well from being sick last weekend and wasn't able to study. so i had no choice but to cram. so i had a few hours to sleep all week. and at some points i felt so weak. then there's valentine's day which has passed and i think my heart's still intact. hahaha. the day was okay. i spent most of my day studying so as i wouldn't feel so sad. it's another first for me. first valentine's so far away. but of course, i wanted to make sure he wouldn't change his mind when he sees all the dates and couples spending it together. i think he also wanted to make sure i wouldn't change my mind. so i used all the minutes on the callcard just to talk to him. after that, it got me thinking what's so special about valentine's.

what magic does feb14 have that makes almost everyone wanting to be in love, wanting to spend it with someone special? to be honest, i don't know. we all want to experience the feeling of spending it with someone special. you know, receiving flowers or chocolates or stuffy toys or balloons or love letters or any kind of surprise from someone who has been planning for it whole week just to make you smile or feel loved. i miss having that. i do have someone special but it's not the same. the whole scene where you go on dates together, holding hands under the stars, exchanging kisses and just quiet moments spent together. haaay. the hopeless-romantic side of me is again kicking in. i hate it sometimes. it makes me homesick so much.

so going back to whay i am actually saying in the first place, what makes valentine's day so damn special?? what sets it apart from christmas? they're both special occasions. you're supposed to give and spread love on christmas. but for me, i'd spend christmas day with my family. and valentine's with my significant partner. and that still doesn't answer the question. i believe people really believe in love. it has been said that the greatest feeling in this world is to love and be loved. and it truly is such a good feeling. and eventhough it hurts bigtime, we still continue to love because it really is a wonderful feeling. it's a special day because it is the day we have for our hearts. the day that we're supposed to feel loved. but sadly, not everyone is sprinkled with the magic that valentine's day brings. for others, it's the day that they feel so lonely. but that's life. it's so unfair. and whatever valentine's day means to you, for me, it always will be a special day that's meant to make us happy and let us appreciate the fact that we are loved and able to love even if we don't get to spend with a partner.

i hope your valentine's would always be magical and wonderful as it is supposed to be.

~> i love you bu. ;D <~

Friday, February 16, 2007 | 12:48 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

happy heart's day!

Myspace Layouts

Wednesday, February 14, 2007 | 3:58 PM | 1 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

that's love

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you up and leaves you crying in the darkness. So a simple phrase like, "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination, not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love but i live because of it.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 | 1:09 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

My Celebrity Look-alikes

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 | 12:30 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

it's tuesday once again.

February06, 2007

blog blog blog. weeeh. i'm trying to focus now on being more studious for college. it seems i have been a little laid-back for some time. because everything is soo boring. just thinking about it. i have mock exams next week. a total of six exams, three of which are on thursday. i have a presentation on the 27th. (yes, of all days possible, it had to be on that day.) i have to start my work experience at pnb as well as finish my ict coursework which has to be 40 pages thick, minimum. most of all, it's valentine's next week and it's gonna be my loneliest one ever. i thought before that being single after coming from a relationship or knowing that your ex is happy celebrating his with someone else is really really sad. i never ever thought that i would be going through all this trouble of being in long-distance relationship. but i will certainly not just sit in my room crying my heart out. instead i'll just do what i did last year. and that's celebrate valentine's with friends. it's alot better than just for me to alone. waah. but let me look at the bright side of things, the positive side of life. after my exams, it's my half-term break. free from college for one week. and working at pnb wouldn't be bad at all. maybe it would be fun. we'll see. and valentine's is just one day. life simply goes on. even if we say that alot can happen in an hour, what more in one day. it doesn't matter. i'm still happy. even if college is crap and being here makes me miss out on alot. even if i'm far from everyone i love, i'm happy. it's crazy, it's ironic. but it's true.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 | 3:47 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

analyzing love

I wonder why it seems so important these days to analyze everything.Someone says, "I love you," and we feel we should question what they mean.We want to know what they are really saying and wonder what they are feeling. We spend endless hours dissecting why someone would say this or do that, putting under a microscope things that would be better simply accepted.

It is certainly true that the more we know about something or someone, the more we can understand them. But we can never know everything about anything and that's alright too. There is a certain magic in that fact that even after a lifetime of relating the deepest feelings, thoughts and actions may remain incomprehensible.

What we need to know about loving is no great mystery. We all know what constitutes loving behavior; we need but act upon it, not continually question it. Over-analysis often confuses the issue and in the end brings us no closer to insight. We sometimes become too busy classifying, separating, and examining, to remember that love is easy. It's we who make it complicated.

~Leo Buscaglia (Born For Love)

Sunday, February 04, 2007 | 1:46 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Welcome to
Love is like a river,
will cut a new path;
whenever it meets an obstacle.
-Crystal Middlemas-

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