LoveGIRL.
out of my mind

june 25,'06 8:02pm

i can't believe myself. why ami i feeling this way? why am i thinking this way? no. no. nooooo!!! this can't be happening. why?? if i was crazy enough and really insane, i think i would have said yes. and that would be wrong. soooooo wrong. but i can handle it better now. so much better. maybe because i'm so far away. i don't have to be scared to bump into him and stuff. but why oh why? eventhough i'm miles away, it's still there. everything's still there. is this some kind of first love (or romance) thingy? is there such a thing like that? why does it have to be this crazy? i just don't get. part of me wants it to happen. part of me says no, i'm would to be way too stupid to go for it again and just hurt myself, again. part of me tells me to start completely anew, to start somewhere else and see where life leads the both of you. part of me simply enjoys the company and concern. oh, i'm so confused. what to do? what to do???

oh, i know what i must do. i have to do what is the right and proper thing to do. damn the feelings i have.


[currently listening to: in another lifetime/gary v]
[feeling a fever coming]

[june26, 3:02am - Phil. time]


Sunday, June 25, 2006 | 8:02 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

countdown

june 12,'06 10:13pm

i can't believe i'm just days away from leaving. i'm scared, to be honest. fear of the unknown, i guess. but, i'm also excited. new faces, new people, new friends. new surroundings, new places. new life, new experiences. well, it's about time for some adventure in my life. coz it's getting quite boring, as a matter of fact. but i guess, my curiousity is getting to me. of course, i'm happy coz finally something to really look forward to.

i can't believe i sort-of cried in makati earlier. so many people looking but most just ignoring. simply walking past by me. well, i don't really care if i cry in public where there is simply a lot of people. (included in the list of things i don't really care doing in public: being loud or noisy at times, laughing aloud, being really makulit and pasaway.) there's a simple reason why i don't really care. it's because i'm simply being me. if some people don't get that, they don't really know me. so if i'm with you, sad and on the verge of tears, but we're in public, please don't think about etiquette or the proper place to be crying, simply think about me and how i'm feeling that has got me crying. i'm not being selfish. i just want someone who cares. coz that's how i care. i want someone to simply be my crying shoulder. not some stupid damn ass that cares more what other people think than what i'm feeling at the moment. i don't need some insensitive immature young 'boy' to be by my side. there are certainly alot more people out there that give a damn. [uy ang segway hindi masyado bitter-bitter-an noh. hahaha!]

so going back to why i cried earlier is that i can't help but be sad too. maybe it's a good thing to not have a big despedida today because i might have ended up crying more than my tears earlier. oh i simply would miss all my friends, especially those who really close and are special to me. those who been through all the waiting. it still comes as a shock that everything is this fast all of a sudden. maybe the waiting for now is over.

[currently taking a break form all the packing]


Friday, June 23, 2006 | 12:56 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

how time flies

june 22, '06 11:12pm[London time]

i can't believe it has already been one week since i left pinas. it's still unbelivable at times that i'm actually here. i can't help but miss everyone back home. everything's so new here. the weather, the people. oh you know the drill. hehe. a lot can happen in a week, ayt? just think about life-changing moments. i appreciate my friends who have sent me text messages and e-mails already. even y.m and messages sa friendster. thanks alot. touched naman ako. hehe. thanks din sa mga friends ko that wished me well before my flight. [namely pardz, kim, jerome, justin, joan, joanne, joy, tasha, carl, jara, gloann, kat, irene, pau, kei, mamich, kris, chai, mark, richmond, drea, kaloy, cass. thanks alot. i'm really touched.] but don't get me wrong, i love and treasure all my other friends.

oh, what to do? i miss my friends. it's these times i feel kinda down that i want them by my side. to make me laugh. to make me smile. to make feel better. hay.

maybe i could just sleep my blues away.


[currently watching the mtv movies awards]


Thursday, June 22, 2006 | 11:12 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

changes so far

june 16, '06 11:12pm

i don't want to go through high school again. i thought i was finished with that already. waaah. who knows, maybe i'll learn to commute here. mostly walking or taking a bus. in this cold weather. as of now, i imagine life to be some long vacation. or maybe this gonna be home away from home for now. i guess 'm gonna have a simple life here. hopefully we find a house that's nice and comfy. that would be in a good neigborhood. have good neighbors and stuff.

and yeah, i finished reading Rosie Dunne. i loved it! i kinda missed being in love. awwww. haaay. i was also kinda wishing i had that kind of relationship with some people. how would my life be like? i could just imagine.


[currently staring at the dark sky]


Friday, June 16, 2006 | 11:12 PM | 4 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

finally here

june 15,06 11:11pm[London time]

oh my gosh! i'm finally in the U.K.! i can't believe it. it's cold here. brrrrrrr. we wouldn't be needing electric fans too much. unlike sa Pinas na sobrang init. hehe. we arrived so early today. at around 5:30am. i'm usually still asleep right now. so we've met up with some of my dad's staff here. they drove us to where would be staying temporarily. we're here at a service apartelle. it is like we're in a vacation house or retreat of some kind. when we first arrived, i soon fell asleep. coz of my jetlag, i was able to sleep also 6hours straight. and i felt a whole lot better. would you believe that the sun here sets at around 10pm? 10pm here is like 6pm back in the Philippines. there was not much to do here anyway. there are not much channels on the TV. there are shows like deal or no deal and big brother. quite different from those back home. other than that, it's actually boring as well. as of now, para kaming mga turista.

to my friends: just text me at my globe number. lalo na ung mga naka-globe. piso lang ang text noh. and if ever you guys have plans of calling, text me first and i'll call you nalang. mas mahal kasi ang incoming call nyo eh. take note that you guys are ahead 7 hours in the Philippines. sending you all hugs and kisses. i miss you guys so much! love you all. MUWAH!


[cuurently still can't believe i'm actually here]


Thursday, June 15, 2006 | 11:11 PM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Cathay Pacific Flight CX251

june 14,'06 12:18am[Phil. time]

feeling a little nautious. i guess it's coz i'm on an airplane. it's like i'm always having a headache or something's wrong with my ear or maybe i'm coming down with the fever. hay.

june 14,'06 11:45pm[Phil. time]

we're on the plane right now. flight CX251, transit flight to London from Hong Kong. i'm kinda uncomfortable right now. waiting 3 hours for this flight seemed like a long time at first. but then i'm reading a book that has got me kinda hooked. [it's entitled Rosie Dunne by Cecelia Ahern. thanks to Pardz and Kei for recommending it. love the book by the way.] and there are aslo just some cute guys. really really soooo cute guys. well actually not that much really. just simply cute. ordianry cute. hay. anyway, hope we have a safe trip getting there. it's a 12-hour flight! [grabe! kumusta naman un diba? ang sakit sa puwet nun! hehe.]

gosh! i'm excited already. but i'm missing my friends so much already. all their texts with quotes, jokes or chain texts dahil unlimitext tayo mga pare! some friends know that this is something i've long been waiting for. i can't wait to begin my new life there. hope it is as great as my life has last been in the Philippines. this is a new challenge in my life and i can't wait to face it. one more thing, i'm finally getting the space i need and have long waited for. a change of surroundings would certaionly do me good.

to my friends: i miss you guys so much already. i could use one of your hugs right now or something to make me laugh or smile. badly needing it for some reason.

London, here i come! Love awaits...


[currently hearing announcements by the pilot and head stewardess]


Wednesday, June 14, 2006 | 4:27 AM | 5 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y


june 14, '06 11:00am

i just finished some final packing and stuff. my day didn't really start that good. i have my monthly thingy today, it's still quite strong. and i am also coming down with come colds. which i haven't had for the longest time. talk about timing. and you can really feel the pressure of final packing and stuff. for example, the boxes we packed actually weighed 300 kilos. talk about being overweight. hopefully our carry-on and check-in bags don't weigh more than required. coz it could get real expensive. we're not rich noh. haha.

grabe, it's really so hot right now. my sweat is kinda dripping. walang ganyan sa London! haha. it's gonna be quite cold there although they say it's actually getting warmer by the minute. so we're going there at the right time. it would be alot easier to adjust to the climate than any other time of the year.

i can't believe we're finally leaving. after so many times our flight has been postponed. [i think it has been moved six times: march26, april17, april24, may3, may14, may28, june14.] and after so many despedidas and suprises from friends. hay.

tears are coming to me right now and i feel like crying. i guess i got to stop talking about this now na. think happy thoughts! happy times! happy memories! but then now, i'll only be crying tears of joy. waaah!


[currently mixed with alot of emotions]

...now, your promise mean nothing more to me than before. you still haven't change. you have a strange attitude when it comes to me. it's got to be different with me, huh? but do know that i deserve so much more than what you're giving me. and yeah, talk about trust. so you do know that i don't like LIARS, right? though, i appreaciate your honesty. it's just that i don't really get why you did it. you wanted to get close to me. tell you something, it was actually working. but tell me, how was everything supposed to work out? if you weren't really who you were in the beginning. and yeah right, compatible huh. but it's never gonna work unless you don't change. nothing's gonna happen. i'll always end up getting hurt. like how i'm feeling right now aside from being pissed off at you.
somehow though there's something i want to tell you. i was beginning to like it. i was enjoying the company, your company. and i wanted it to be you. badly.


| 1:02 AM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

t'was the night before..

june 13, '06 11:34pm

i can't believe today has been my last day. well technically tomorrow is my last day coz our flight is in the afternoon. i just simply can't believe it! who knew everything will all of a sudden be this fast. looking around, i see everything that i'm gonna miss. hopefully the one thing i really want to accomplish in London would be easier than anticipated. it would only be a bonus to be having fun as well.

what would life there be like? how are the people? would i find people there who are like my own friends back home? would i like it there? what if i don't? hay.

how do you say goodbye to a life that you have learned to live to the fullest? to people who have been there during all the waiting, seen you at your worst, know what you are capable of and all your limitations? there's simply no easy way. so they say everything in life is temporary. well i guess the simplest way is not to say goodbye. but to say see you later.


[currently so sad. just don't want to sleep.]


Tuesday, June 13, 2006 | 11:34 PM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y


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