what to do??

i am now more confused as ever. well not really. i just don't know what to do. i don't know what to say. i don't even know what i'm supposed to be feeling. [note: yup, that bad.]

things happen so fast. things change in just a day, an hour, a minute, a second. even lives can be changed.

know what? i have this bestfriend who told me that just because certain feelings don't show, that doesn't mean they don't exist or they aren't there. he [note: my bestfriend. yup, a guy.] even said that i would be surprised if ever i find out that those feelings are really there. you don't really get me. do you? [note: i'm just pertaining to a person. another guy.]

well anyway. he [note: my bestfriend again] was right. absolutely totally right. i just found out about those feelings last night. it was wierd. i couldn't help but start crying. i wasn't confused. i didn't know how to accept the truth from him [note: not my bestfriend. another person]. if it is really the truth. [note: sorry if i'm not sure. i just don't know what to believe right now.] it was hard. definitely not easy. [note: duh?!?!]

hay. all i can do now is pray. pray for strength and guidance. i hope i can be sure of what to do. what to say. most especially of what to feel. hopefully i figure it out soon.

just like what another friend told me. take care. i need to.

[song in mind: why]
[feeling: wierd. totally.]

Monday, August 29, 2005 | 4:12 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y


i feel kinda wierd right now. i don't know. been doing alot of thinking lately. again.

what's bothering me?

hmm.. let's see..

>>concert in bene-sept2
>>bday celebration for aleli-sept10
>>text message this morning. around 2. [note: totally wierd and surprised.]
>>my past
>>the wounds that hurt
>>my friends
>>my whole life

i'm happy. in a simple way.

but i seem lost. and alone. (physically, that is.)

i'm not sure of what to do.

smile nalang..

[song in mind: ...]
[feeling: wierd. lost. i dont know.]

Saturday, August 27, 2005 | 12:47 AM | 7 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

this one's for U.

to you,

i don't exactly know why i'm doing this. maybe because there are some things i still have to say to you. but i just didn't get the chance to. i can't talk to you 'cause you can't face me and simply because we don't talk anymore. so hopefully you be able to read this one way or the other.

first of all, thank you. if it weren't for you, i wouldn't have met friends who are simply the best. it's because of you that i have them in my life right now. thank you for making me feel beautiful and special. and thank you for also making me realize i don't need you (or anyone) to be beautiful and special. 'coz i am, no matter what. thank you because somehow you are part of the reason why i have become strong amidst problems.

all i wish to you that you'd grow up. no offense. but you simply haven't changed. i know, change doesn't happen overnight. i just hope you have started anyway. i mean i don't know exactly what you've been doing in your life right now. maybe you have changed. maybe not. but who am i to know?

it hurts so much that you left without even saying goodbye. God knows how much i loved you and how much it killed me when you left me again. but it's ok. i'm now really ok with it. we were never meant to be. not because you fell out of live for me. nor because we have both moved on with our seperate lives. it's hard to explain why. but i just know.

and i hope you find the reason that would make you grow up. the reason you could change your whole life for. i know i wasn't enough of a reason for you to change. i understand. and oh, one more thing. i hope you'd be able to love someone more than yourself. that you'd be able to give promises that you would never break. 'coz all the promises you told me have now become lies. i know you meant it when you said it. you just couldn't keep it. you broke every single one of your promises to me. it hurts. so i hope you wouldn't be doing this to the next girl that comes into your life. 'coz it hurts. big time. more than you'll know or feel.

please learn to handle the responsibilities that come into your life. look around you. you're not 9 years old anymore. nor are your friends. you're old enough to handle responbilities and the problems in life. face them. don't hide from them. don't run away from them. nothing's gonna happen if you do that. just an advice from an old friend.

know what? it hurt me the day you treated me like a stranger. a nobody to you. you just let me go as if you were disposing an old broken toy you can't anymore play with. i wasn't asking for much. i just wished you could have given me the respect i needed and deserved. after all those months. it was as if you have forgetten all that has happened. all that we have gone through. i know you fell out of love. what i didn't know was that you had slight amnesia to forget important stuff and to do what you have done. i deserved so much more than just be treated like some old crap.

hopefully someday we could still be friends. i know you told me that we are still friends but i don't feel it. i don't think you're even ready to be one again. somehow it will be nice to be friends with you again. but when would that day be? who knows? only time could really tell.

finally. take care of yourself. live a good life. i hope you find someone who could ever love you more than i did. thank you. i love you. i'm letting you go. goodbye.

untill we meet again.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005 | 2:07 PM | 7 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y


computer 27 again. why oh why? nevermind.

life goes on. im moving on. it's finished.

its over.

for good.

[song in mind: it's time to say goodbye]
[feeling: hurt as tears start to fall]

Monday, August 15, 2005 | 10:42 PM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

i am computer 27. wow. what a number. big deal.

i feel down again. dont know why. guess maybe because i saw yesterday. surprisingly. unexpectedly.

i didnt like though. i guess i havent given him much thought these past few days. i have learned to move on. to leave in my past. and then, yesterday...

everything came back to me.

every feeling. every heartache. every memory. every teardrop that fell.
[note: don't get me wrong. i didnt cry over what happened yesterday.]

i just remember things that i have put out of my mind for quite a while now. i guess i just gotta put it out of my mind again.

remember: it's not my loss. it never was.

[song in mind: i love you, goodbye]
[feeling: trying not to be bothered]

| 3:25 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Je T'aime Au Revoir

I Love You Goodbye

Written By: D. Warren

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need

Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me

You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do

Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand
I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go

But deep in my heart
I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll find someone who'll be the one that
I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me

Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh, I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye

Monday, August 08, 2005 | 10:15 PM | 4 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

my prayer

>>help me Lord.. i don't want to love him anymore.. i don't want to feel this emptiness he has left in my heart, in my life.. i don't want to feel the depth of my loss.. help me also to forget.. give me the strength i need to face each day with a smile on my face even if i have any empty feeling in my heart.. give me also the strength and courage to let go and move on.. once and for all.. to leave everything in the past.. help me to remeber all the other reasons i have in this world to live for.. and lastly, let me find true love and the one for me.. the one who could love much more than i could ever love him.. let him know that i am in need of his love..<<

*pls pray for me*

[song in mind: anything for you]
[feeling: hopeless]

Wednesday, August 03, 2005 | 3:12 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

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