half empty, half full
january 23, 06 10:27pm
how am i suppose to look at my life?
should i be happy? few people would want to be in my position. being able to study abroad and somehow be able to get what i want (not everything though).
or should i be sad? to have be the one to leave friends and loved ones behind. to miss out on alot of events and hang out with friends. and so on and so forth.
for me, i'm ok with it. just ok. yes, i'm ready to leave the Philippines and move to London for a few years mainly coz of my dad's job. i have my reasons why i want to leave, to be able to start anew. total change of surrondings, surroundings that are so full of memories (mostly painful). and it would do good for my education too. especially for the future. in 5 years time, we all would be working. then i could really be independent.
but it's so hard to leave when you have so much to leave behind. all my friends, especially those really close and special to me (they know who they are), is the main reason i don't want to leave. everything would be different. if i had any problems, my friends are just a text or a call away. but that wouldn't be possible if i were far away. of course, i would have friends there too. but i love my friends now and i ain't looking for anything more. or if we were to hang-out, it would be easy. yeah, if i was here. but no, i can't text them and tell them to meet up in Paris or Italy. well, definitely it's gonna be hard. but i think i can handle it.
love life? hmmm. i don't want to dwell on that subject too much. all i'm gonna say is that i'm happy right now. i really am. whatever the situation is. if there is one thing i've learned from my past relationship is how painful love really is. but that shouldn't (and it definitely wouldn't) stop me from loving again. and it's a wonderful feeling. it's really beautiful. =)
so how do i view my life right now? well it doesn't really matter. coz even if life sucks. even if reality hits me hard. i'm ok with it. and with that i'm happy. i've got my restback anyway. and whatever happens in the future, i would be to handle it. i'll just keep on smiling and singing... =)
"what about love?
what about feeling?
what about all the things
that make life worth living?
what about faith?
what about trust?
and baby, tell me,
what about us?"
[currently listening to: what about us?/lemar]
how am i suppose to look at my life?
should i be happy? few people would want to be in my position. being able to study abroad and somehow be able to get what i want (not everything though).
or should i be sad? to have be the one to leave friends and loved ones behind. to miss out on alot of events and hang out with friends. and so on and so forth.
for me, i'm ok with it. just ok. yes, i'm ready to leave the Philippines and move to London for a few years mainly coz of my dad's job. i have my reasons why i want to leave, to be able to start anew. total change of surrondings, surroundings that are so full of memories (mostly painful). and it would do good for my education too. especially for the future. in 5 years time, we all would be working. then i could really be independent.
but it's so hard to leave when you have so much to leave behind. all my friends, especially those really close and special to me (they know who they are), is the main reason i don't want to leave. everything would be different. if i had any problems, my friends are just a text or a call away. but that wouldn't be possible if i were far away. of course, i would have friends there too. but i love my friends now and i ain't looking for anything more. or if we were to hang-out, it would be easy. yeah, if i was here. but no, i can't text them and tell them to meet up in Paris or Italy. well, definitely it's gonna be hard. but i think i can handle it.
love life? hmmm. i don't want to dwell on that subject too much. all i'm gonna say is that i'm happy right now. i really am. whatever the situation is. if there is one thing i've learned from my past relationship is how painful love really is. but that shouldn't (and it definitely wouldn't) stop me from loving again. and it's a wonderful feeling. it's really beautiful. =)
so how do i view my life right now? well it doesn't really matter. coz even if life sucks. even if reality hits me hard. i'm ok with it. and with that i'm happy. i've got my restback anyway. and whatever happens in the future, i would be to handle it. i'll just keep on smiling and singing... =)
"what about love?
what about feeling?
what about all the things
that make life worth living?
what about faith?
what about trust?
and baby, tell me,
what about us?"
[currently listening to: what about us?/lemar]
feel good!
january 12,06 thursday 5:46pm
i've never felt better.. everything is now in the past.. and i'm looking a brand new start.. when i leave, everything would be different.. and that's good.. just realized that whatever happened in the past was mostly my decision.. it's funny when i think about it now.. i smile coz i realized i said no.. i said NO.. back then.. my friend once told to choose the cards i would handle.. and he was right.. i should have no regrets coz my fate was my decision.. and i do not have regrets right now.. i may just be a little scared to face what is in store of my future abroad.. but then i think i'm strong enough to handle.. my time-out last year has got me thinking what i would want in my future.. where, what, why.. you know, that kind of stuff.. and it's not bad at all to prepare for what's in store in the future.. but you can never be too prepared or too ready.. coz i'll definitely be surprised.. but i think i'm okay with it..
[currently listening to: your song/parokya ni edgar]
[currently feeling: good.]
i've never felt better.. everything is now in the past.. and i'm looking a brand new start.. when i leave, everything would be different.. and that's good.. just realized that whatever happened in the past was mostly my decision.. it's funny when i think about it now.. i smile coz i realized i said no.. i said NO.. back then.. my friend once told to choose the cards i would handle.. and he was right.. i should have no regrets coz my fate was my decision.. and i do not have regrets right now.. i may just be a little scared to face what is in store of my future abroad.. but then i think i'm strong enough to handle.. my time-out last year has got me thinking what i would want in my future.. where, what, why.. you know, that kind of stuff.. and it's not bad at all to prepare for what's in store in the future.. but you can never be too prepared or too ready.. coz i'll definitely be surprised.. but i think i'm okay with it..
[currently listening to: your song/parokya ni edgar]
[currently feeling: good.]
new year
january 05,06 thursday 7:38pm
my first real entry for 2006! looking back on 2005, it has its ups and downs.. let's go with the downs first.. 1st on the list definitely would be the break-up.. i'm not gonna elaborate anymore about that.. what else? oh just minor problems.. no biggie.. high school graduation? uhm it's kinda a happy but sad moment.. haaay.. so the ups.. definitely lalans!! enough said.. i don't need to name names.. they know who they are.. having them has made up for the void i had.. like me being close to some people who i really love in my life.. hehe.. but majority of last year was just me as a bum.. life becoming a routine.. it helped me grow.. alot.. in many different ways.. i am like so ready to go back to school and everything..
[currently listening to: don't love you no more/craig david]
my first real entry for 2006! looking back on 2005, it has its ups and downs.. let's go with the downs first.. 1st on the list definitely would be the break-up.. i'm not gonna elaborate anymore about that.. what else? oh just minor problems.. no biggie.. high school graduation? uhm it's kinda a happy but sad moment.. haaay.. so the ups.. definitely lalans!! enough said.. i don't need to name names.. they know who they are.. having them has made up for the void i had.. like me being close to some people who i really love in my life.. hehe.. but majority of last year was just me as a bum.. life becoming a routine.. it helped me grow.. alot.. in many different ways.. i am like so ready to go back to school and everything..
[currently listening to: don't love you no more/craig david]
holidays
january 02, 2006 thursday 6:53pm
holidays are now over.. well almost.. of course there's still the ephiphany and feast of the 3 kings.. but it's already 2006! how was the holidays for me?? well definitely better than last year.. happy and excited.. here's a few reasons why..
dec16-24 (simbang-gabi) - waking at 4am to prepare for the dawn mass, which is at 4:30am, is too early for me.. yet i had the energy to do it.. and actually complete it.. this was my first time.. and it was fun.. most days it would be kinda windy but feel really cold.. you get to see the same people everyday.. and that's good.. [note: i wonder why.... ;-)] they say if you get to complete the 9 dawn masses, somehow what you wish for will come true.. hope so.. what i wish for?? hmmm.. let's just wait to see if it comes true..
dec19, monday (my dad's birthday) - every year we always have a celebration.. as in PARTEEE... at our house.. all of his friends would be there.. officemates and buddies.. of course someone would always bring lechon [note: this year it was lechon baka.. big...] and shawarma.. the garage would be full, garden area.. even the living room to the dining room til the back of our house.. our relatives (mom's side) were there to help us.. i even pitched in to help.. i swear, afterwards my feet hurt.. my dad's guests started to arrive around 6pm and the whole thing lasted til 2:30 the next day.. i couldn't get to sleep that fast coz i drank white wine.. which kept my eyes open for some time.. there were also 2 groups of carolers who arrived at almost the same time.. one was singing in the house, the other outside.. cool.. hehe.. and the food, delicious.. wish i could have birthday parties like that..
dec22, thursday - met up with friends and spent most of the day hanging out and talking.. from the foodcourt to seattle's and back.. and of course, picture picture.. there were also some planning.. for kris' debut.. when kris' parents came, they treated us at italiani's.. and whew, were we full.. at italiani's, they had this line written on their wall.. 'you'll never leave hungry'.. whoa did they literally mean it.. hehe..
dec24, saturday (xmas eve) - i actually got to do some christmas shopping for myself.. hehehehe! back at home, got to drink some red wine and enjoying it with family.. which was good.. exchanged gifts and laughter, hugs, kisses.. and alot of singing!!
dec25, sunday (xmas day!) - simple day.. more singing, of course.. had mass at makati at 3:30pm.. then ate at Max's since it was closest.. hehe.. came back home.. not gonna tell all that happened.. basta..
dec27, tuesday - pisay reunion.. met up with my former 4th yr classmates.. it wasn't a day actually.. we did alot of waiting.. when i arrived, i was only the 6th person to arrive.. i was already late yet we were so few.. our pictures turned to be a blur so we just had a refund.. we watched exodus which turned out not worth it.. yeah it had nice special effects.. but the story, so predictable.. after watching, we did alot of hanging out.. tambay at timezone, foodcourt.. last stop, starbucks.. pisay has now a yosi group.. not me, i don't smoke.. kinda don't like it.. though it was better to just have stayed home, there was something that made it worthwhile.. hehe.. basta..
dec29, thursday - met up with joy and drea.. today was also the better of our friend, tasha.. she was at baywalk with family and boyfriend.. hay, love.. hehe.. did the usual.. tambay.. window shopping and actual shopping.. boy-hunting.. picture-picture at starbucks.. hang-out.. there wasn't a good movie to watch.. so we didn't watch a movie.. hay....
dec31, saturday (new year's eve) - day for fireworks!! simple day.. grocery at south.. watching fireworks which started so early in the evening.. it was all so beautiful.. drank champagne.. it was just so quiet.. our next-door neighbors were out of town.. or so i think.. coz lights were off.. kinda quiet.. but we were of course partying.. hehe..
jan1, sunday (new year!) - didn't start that good.. coz my mom kinda got mad somehow.. then our relatives (dad's side) arrived.. of course, there was singing.. eating.. ihaw.. drinking.. more singing.. but bottomline, it was fun.. hehe....
i hope 2006 would be a better year than 2005..
[currently listening to: with a smile/southborder]
holidays are now over.. well almost.. of course there's still the ephiphany and feast of the 3 kings.. but it's already 2006! how was the holidays for me?? well definitely better than last year.. happy and excited.. here's a few reasons why..
dec16-24 (simbang-gabi) - waking at 4am to prepare for the dawn mass, which is at 4:30am, is too early for me.. yet i had the energy to do it.. and actually complete it.. this was my first time.. and it was fun.. most days it would be kinda windy but feel really cold.. you get to see the same people everyday.. and that's good.. [note: i wonder why.... ;-)] they say if you get to complete the 9 dawn masses, somehow what you wish for will come true.. hope so.. what i wish for?? hmmm.. let's just wait to see if it comes true..
dec19, monday (my dad's birthday) - every year we always have a celebration.. as in PARTEEE... at our house.. all of his friends would be there.. officemates and buddies.. of course someone would always bring lechon [note: this year it was lechon baka.. big...] and shawarma.. the garage would be full, garden area.. even the living room to the dining room til the back of our house.. our relatives (mom's side) were there to help us.. i even pitched in to help.. i swear, afterwards my feet hurt.. my dad's guests started to arrive around 6pm and the whole thing lasted til 2:30 the next day.. i couldn't get to sleep that fast coz i drank white wine.. which kept my eyes open for some time.. there were also 2 groups of carolers who arrived at almost the same time.. one was singing in the house, the other outside.. cool.. hehe.. and the food, delicious.. wish i could have birthday parties like that..
dec22, thursday - met up with friends and spent most of the day hanging out and talking.. from the foodcourt to seattle's and back.. and of course, picture picture.. there were also some planning.. for kris' debut.. when kris' parents came, they treated us at italiani's.. and whew, were we full.. at italiani's, they had this line written on their wall.. 'you'll never leave hungry'.. whoa did they literally mean it.. hehe..
dec24, saturday (xmas eve) - i actually got to do some christmas shopping for myself.. hehehehe! back at home, got to drink some red wine and enjoying it with family.. which was good.. exchanged gifts and laughter, hugs, kisses.. and alot of singing!!
dec25, sunday (xmas day!) - simple day.. more singing, of course.. had mass at makati at 3:30pm.. then ate at Max's since it was closest.. hehe.. came back home.. not gonna tell all that happened.. basta..
dec27, tuesday - pisay reunion.. met up with my former 4th yr classmates.. it wasn't a day actually.. we did alot of waiting.. when i arrived, i was only the 6th person to arrive.. i was already late yet we were so few.. our pictures turned to be a blur so we just had a refund.. we watched exodus which turned out not worth it.. yeah it had nice special effects.. but the story, so predictable.. after watching, we did alot of hanging out.. tambay at timezone, foodcourt.. last stop, starbucks.. pisay has now a yosi group.. not me, i don't smoke.. kinda don't like it.. though it was better to just have stayed home, there was something that made it worthwhile.. hehe.. basta..
dec29, thursday - met up with joy and drea.. today was also the better of our friend, tasha.. she was at baywalk with family and boyfriend.. hay, love.. hehe.. did the usual.. tambay.. window shopping and actual shopping.. boy-hunting.. picture-picture at starbucks.. hang-out.. there wasn't a good movie to watch.. so we didn't watch a movie.. hay....
dec31, saturday (new year's eve) - day for fireworks!! simple day.. grocery at south.. watching fireworks which started so early in the evening.. it was all so beautiful.. drank champagne.. it was just so quiet.. our next-door neighbors were out of town.. or so i think.. coz lights were off.. kinda quiet.. but we were of course partying.. hehe..
jan1, sunday (new year!) - didn't start that good.. coz my mom kinda got mad somehow.. then our relatives (dad's side) arrived.. of course, there was singing.. eating.. ihaw.. drinking.. more singing.. but bottomline, it was fun.. hehe....
i hope 2006 would be a better year than 2005..
[currently listening to: with a smile/southborder]
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AnakatA.k.a. Nekatz, Anna, Kat
16/11/88
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