feb27, 06 10:01pm

saying goodbye is never easy. so is moving on and letting go. i can't believe i'm just weeks away from leaving. *sigh* there are still some things i have to think about after my despedida. it's sad that not everyone got to come, especially those i actually wanted to be there. [note: i miss you guys already!] and to be honest, there are some things that happened on that night that i want to forget. but nothing's really easy. i can't force myself to be something for someone when i know i'm only pushing myself to be one. so what can one get from me as a friend? hmmm. to those reading this, i am actually choosing my words wisely right now. i'm trying to say/tell things without revealing too much. this time, it's far too complicated, confusing, etc to let it all out.

am i running away? sometimes i ask myself this question. i don't know. it may seem wierd for me (or anyone who really knows me) to think i'm running away. from what? or from who? and why? maybe i choose to run away from things that i don't to face anymore. but what kind? then there's this other question, is everything i'm leaving behind settled? or do i have any unfinished businesses yet to settle? all i can say is i don't know. and i hope not.

oh, there's simply so many questions on my mind. trust me, there are alot more questions that are yet to be answered. i'm not talking about life's biggest questions or mysteries. these are questions simply about the past and the present things that are happening around me. there are even some things i don't know if worth believing. there are also some things i'm soooo unsure of. and it's got me thinking. alot. i try to talk it out with my friends. but it's still there. i can't quite get it off of my mind. i'm sorry if you can't quite understand whatever i may be saying. who says i do? haha. it's just a good thing that i can still laugh and smile. and i'm not being "plastik" when people see me smile. that's real. coz whatever may be bothering me doesn't stop me from being happy.

it's glad to know that some people treat me as someone special in their lives. and i'm glad to be a part of their lives too. but there are also several people who have once become special in my life. most of them are still special to me. the rest, well, i can't be so sure. my friends know that special relationships are really important to me (really). well, it isn't easy to go back to things the way they were before. changes are hard to get used to in a relationship between two people (may it be love or just friends). there are even times when the two people may not agree on how they want their relationship to be. sometimes even special relationships could be ruined for whatever reason. and then the two just have to start from scratch if they want their newfound relationship to work, whatever they may want it to be: just like before or something different.

i am one of those many people who choose to really start from scratch, from zero, from nothing. it's the easiest way or the most convenient way for me. it's gonna be difficult if you two choose to start from what has been or what used to be. it's complicated and confusing. i am actually trying to convince myself to just leave everything to fate. you know, whatever. and i would take advantage of this opportunity that by my departure, things would remain quiet until it's time to face everything again. i don't exactly know what's the best solution for everything but i'll just go with the flow for now. i'll see where the rivers take me.

in life, you should't expect much but somehow in some way you do get hurt. you just don't show it. coz you should learn to be strong. my friends believe that i can survive whatever life gives me. so i know whatever phase i'm going through right now, even what's bothering me, that in time, everytime will be fine and everything would be where it's supposed to be.

in the end, i know i'll be coming back to the Philippines. my friends are here. he is here. [note: he is not part of my past. he is present. hihihi.] and coz here, i'm home. no stir.

[currently listening to: huwag mo nang itanong/mymp]
[currently feeling: confused. still very confused.]

Monday, February 27, 2006 | 12:44 AM | 1 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Welcome to annakatt.blogspot.com
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Anakat
A.k.a. Nekatz, Anna, Kat
16/11/88
Math Goddess '05
Scorpio
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