LoveGIRL.

one year. and counting...

july 24, '06 8:38pm

one year.

i can't believe it's been one year already.

time flies. so fast.

i am now here looking back on what has happened this past year.

all the ocassions that passed. the frustrations. the tears. the lies. the problems. the pain. the midnight calls. the events that happened. the partying. the sleepless nights. the hurt. the food. the wierdness. the counseling. the void. the music. the conversations that last for hours. the night-outs. the nonsense. the smiles. the company. the drinks. the laughter. the loneliness. the advices. the fun. the craziness.

so what have i learned in this past year? hmmm, let's see.

*love is just a word until someone you meet gives it a proper meaning. *he who promises too much means nothing. *being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. *you can actually learn about life in your solitude. *love is like magic, but sometimes magic is nothing but an illusion. *learn by listening; understand by reflecting. *it hurts to fall in love with a friend. *we make our own happiness. *love means letting the other person grow even if it means letting go. *too little and too much spoils everything. *you can hide the pain that you feel and make others believe that you can move on, but you can never deny the truth to yourself. *sometimes the most important people in your life are the ones taken away from you. *friends are the best interpreter coz even in silence, even when nothing is said and even if they don't know what has happened.. they don't ask you questions, they just understand. *no one can really help you but yourself. *life is too short to be anything but happy. *God works in mysterious ways. *the magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end. *one can never receive too many hugs. *life is what you make it. *never love too deep. *no one can go back and make a new beginning but anyone can start from now and make a happy ending. *broken destiny is loving someone that could never be yours. *if someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. *life goes on.

so what exactly am i celebrating at this point in my life that i am looking back on it right now?

oh not much really. and i'm not gonna say what it is really. maybe you could just me personally if you're really curious. ^_^

i love my life right now. even if there are some things that are missing. but it's cool. they're not going anywhere anyway.

i'm looking forward to another year like this.

[july25, 3:38am - Phil. time]

Monday, July 24, 2006 | 8:38 PM | 1 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

the longing for someone new
dawned on me when you found someone too
it made me wonder, it made me think
i actually lost you when i blinked

i was lost for days and months
but you weren't affected all too much
i even questioned what was wrong with me
and what you saw in her that you didn't see in me

i wanted you back, oh yes, i missed you so
this was the first time in my life i ever felt so low
it was just so hard to forget, i'm not like you
coz i believed what we had was wonderful and true

i was badly hurt as you can see
it was difficult to accept that you left me
now all the plans we made are meaningless
so that's why i was in such a mess

so my friends came to me coz i couldn't do this alone
they said maybe all i need was time and an ice cream cone
that didn't do much, i still felt blue
but my friends took care of me like i had the flu

they listened to me with every bitterness i wept
and watched me cry all the hurt till i slept
they even gave advice to help me clear my mind
even if being with me took up most of their time

my friend kept saying let go, it's time to move on
it's such a waste crying coz you've been long gone
so i thought about it and said i'll give it a try
i'll just save my tears for some other lie

so i decided to let you go and set us free
coz the only way to move on was to let you be
i lived my life one day at a time
until everything had become fine

one day, surprisingly, you just came back
saying things like how there was something you lacked
and we talked as friends even if it was hard for me
but there was nothing wrong with it so i let it be

everything was going fine until one day
you just had to ruin it with your ways
coz you said you wanted me back in your life
but i couldn't let you in, not without a fight

so i didn't say yes but i didn't say no
i was confused and i didn't really know
see the thing is i didn't need you right now
but i didn't want to lose you again somehow

then i realized i never really stopped loving you
i guess i just learned to live my life without you by my side
this is something i know is definitely true
i've just been trying to convince myself my love for you has died

so up to now, i still don't know what to do
you can't help me, you're confused too
but the decision about us will have to wait
since now we are definitely miles away

we still talk every once in a while
but it's hard for me to know if you're telling a lie
coz for a guy, you definitely got alot to say
but i'm trying my best to believe you anyway

alot definitely has changed, this is true
but you keep saying nothing compares to me and you
so like what i always say, let's just wait and see
whatever the future holds for you and me

you told me once you'd wait and i hope you still would
hope you wouldn't just change your mind like your mood
coz who knows one day we'll actually see
and find out if we were really meant to be

by anirtakanna at starbucks, july22, saturday, 3:30pm.

| 11:27 AM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

take me home

wondering the streets alone
no one's calling my phone
isn't anyone looking for me
thinking where could i be

but then again who would bother
to waste their time just to find me
and now as time passes by, i feel lonelier
coz i'm just a stranger to those who see

i keep imagining where you are, what you're doing
and wonderin' if you're thinking about me too
i'm missing you so much already
that now i also dream of me and you

it hurts me so that we're miles apart
i can't see your face or atleast hold your hand
but now, i'm all alone, left in the dark
and no one else could help me, only you can

i'm slowly losing control of my life
maybe i just need you to be part of it
coz i've tried my best to do it on my own
but then i realized i need you more and more

then there you were, right in front of me
looking so worried, i couldn't help but just stare
is this some kind of illusion or crazy dream
that you are actually back with me

you hugged me tight like you won't let me go
while telling me things i've been wanting to hear
you held my hand and begged me to try
but i didn't budge, all i did was cry

so now please would you take me home
coz i always wanna be by your side
with you is where i belong
take me home back to you

coz you know i still love you
you know i'll always care
i want you back in my life
so can i ask you to stay
and never ever leave me alone again

-july21

Friday, July 21, 2006 | 1:51 PM | 1 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

barrio fiesta time!!

july 17, '06 6:13pm

our barrio fiesta was held in Hounslow (which is located outside London i think). it was a two-day event spent in Lampton Park which was really spacious. there was also a carnival there. something like Boom Boom or Star City in Pinas. you could win really big stuff toys like big teddy bears which i love. hehe. [note: hehe. someone's making parinig. hehe. to those reading. hehe.] the other side of the park was filled with stalls of pinoy food and mga paninda na pinoy. there were also booths from Globe, remittance, SanMig beer and of course, from the Phil. Embassy. there was also a stage for entertainment. Southborder was even there! so let me tell you a few details of last weekend's event.

july 15 - saturday

one thing i can really say is there are alot of filipinos in the U.K now. it's as if i'm just in the Philippines. it makes me miss Pinas more. *sigh* so we headed first to the our booth and most of my dad's officemates were there already. there was small table set for information purposes and another for pika pika. our booth was located next to the stall selling SanMig beer. talk about inuman. hehe. then we went around. there were booths of almost all kinds. most were selling pinoy food (yum, simply delicious!). there were booths from bpi, globe, pag-ibig and so many more. there were even booths selling pinoy delicacies like datu puti toyo or chips one wouldn't usually find here in the U.K. and believe it or not, i bumped into the two vocalists of southborder, duncan and vince, and even jay durias. really cool. yihihee... they're gonna perform on sunday. i guess they were checking the place out. they actually just arrived from Ireland. they had a concert there. we also saw some of my dad's friends from the province who now lives here in the U.K. as well. after a few minutes we then headed home coz my dad still had an appointment. but we'll be coming back the next day.

july 16 - sunday

arriving today, we went straight to our booth like yesterday. then we went around again. just to check which booths were new and we found out that some prices were actually lowered. we headed to the carnival after looking around. there were rides like body heat which went round and round. there were booths there where you can win a prize and you always will win a prize and you could choose from the small stuff to the big stuff toys (which i love! hihi..). there were even houses of horror. and like all carnivals, there was cotton candy and ice cream. one thing i could tell you that it was really hot that day. 34 degrees. grabe init! talk about heat wave. hehe. so it's just nice to have a halo-halo. hah! saaarrrraaaap. then we waited for southborder to perform. so we just hanged out behind the booth of the embassy. you could see we were also kinda boy-hunting. hihihi. turns out that southborder was the finale of the whole program. so we had to wait for a long time. there were alot of freebies given away which were mostly souvenirs for this year's barrio fiesta. when southborder was on stage, it was kinda hard to watch coz it was really hot and the sun was kinda blaring. but it was fun to watch them anyway. the program ended just a few minutes after six. but we stayed around a little longer until my dad was finished. so while waiting, i drank a few SanMig beers with my mom. talk about mother-daughter bonding. gasp! then finally we headed home. and just about time.

it's kinda sad that it's over. but i had fun. my first barrio fiesta here. wiheeee...

so till next year.

[currently watching monster-in-law/ella enchanted/friends]
[july18, 1:13am]

Monday, July 17, 2006 | 6:13 PM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

i am beginning to hate romance movies.

july 16, '06 8:19pm

i am a self-confessed hopeless romantic. i love watching romantic films such as if only and serendipity or reading books like rosie dunne. and now all of a sudden, i am getting sick of watching those kind of movies. i don't know what's gotten into me. maybe this is just some sort of phase i'm going through. coz of what happened just the other day. i'm going crazy thinking about it and feeling this way. damn!

whenever i watch a movie with a romantic theme, i can't help but get teary-eyed and kinda frustrated. why? maybe i'm sad or something. i hate seeing couples on the screen kissing, holding hands, taking long walks together, being sweet to each other. having the guy say the right words or do the right things all at the right time. it just makes me mad to see those kind of stuff. why again? maybe i want something like that to happen to me. or maybe i miss it. and i can have it. all i need to do is grab this chance coz it's right in front of me. but i can't reach it. and i'm not supposed to. i want it but i can't have it. it's crazy.

i'm going out of my mind. i even had a hard time sleeping last night. now i don't even understand what i'm writing here. do you?

so basically what all this comes down to is the fact that i hate feeling this way. i hate the fact that i feel this way. i hate the fact that i'm stopping myself from being able to truly feel what i feel. i hate the fact that i'm not even suppose to feel this way. but most of all, i hate the fact that i can't stop feeling this way.

it's crazy. madness. confusing. complicated. frustrating. dumb. wierd. heartbreaking. stupid. insane. difficult. disappointing. but real.

damn love.

we all have choices. we can choose what we want to do or what to feel. then this is clearly not my choice.

[currently watching one tree hill/shall we dance]
[july 17, 3:19am]

Sunday, July 16, 2006 | 8:19 AM | 1 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

define this.

july 15, '06 8:58pm

lovers.
--> boyfriend/girlfriend. official together.

lovers but not quite together.
--> two people who love each other but for some reason can't quite be together.

more than friends, less than lovers.

more than friends, not quite lovers.

friends with benefits/commitment.
--> two people who like each other but are not quite ready to go the next level. or maybe sometimes what's missing is the label that they are sort-of together or boyfriend/girlfriend.

just friends.

strangers.

maybe there are more kinds of relationships out there. i don't know all. coz the real relationships are just between the two people involved. i have my own special relationships which many people wouldn't be able to understand. although neither do i. but i am trying to say is that the two people have a world of their own. and in the world of their own, nothing else matters than each other and what they really mean to one other. even if people see otherwise.

with you, like i said let's see where it goes.

[currently watching batman begins/hitch]
[july 16, 3:58am - Phil. time]

Saturday, July 15, 2006 | 8:58 PM | 3 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

night-dreaming (technically)

july1, '06 1:06pm

night dreaming.

well technically it was night time. and i was dreaming but not yet asleep. so i guess you just call that something like imagining or thinking. although dreaming sounds so much nicer. and that's the reason why i had the hardest time sleeping. i just kept tossing and turning while dreaming of something i have always wanted to happen. but i wouldn't get much into details.

i hear champagne glasses clicking. i hear people talking to each other. i also hear a song, my favorite song, on the piano. and then, a flash of light, a spotlight, somewhat blinding. people clapping and then silence. then there i am. i see myself, so dressed up in a white dress filled with blue designs and my hair in curls, walking down a flight of stairs with a long red carpet and am really afraid that i might lose my grip and trip, then, fall down the flight of stairs. i feel really nervous but i am still smiling as i look on down to see who would be awaiting me at the end of the stairs, i see faces. i see very familiar faces offering their hands to me, one is holding a bouquet of roses and the other a bouquet of lilies, and i had to choose which one to actually hold on to. then i see all other people looking on as i still walk on the red carpet to where i shall sit myself. i look around to see familiar faces smiling back at me, wishing me all the best. then i recognize the faces of all my friends, looking so beautiful and dashing in their evening gowns and coat and ties. then let's fast forward to the part i have the last dance of the night. all i had to do was choose between the first two very familiar faces that were offering their hands to me earlier. everything depended on who i would choose. why? i just don't know. so here i was. i started walking towards them. and then...

*poof*

welcome back to reality.

why i decided to end a wonderful faiytale? no idea. if you know why, please tell me.

so well, we've just settled to our new home away from home. it's nice. it's not actually a house. but it's nice and spacious. it's got this nice view of River Thames and i do have a small balcony in my room. just lovely. i a nice bathroom. big enough for me. it's still summer here and it's actually getting warm. love it.

[currently thinking: blag blag blag kaboom disappear!]
[july1, 8:06pm - Phil. time]

Saturday, July 01, 2006 | 1:06 PM | 2 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y