LoveGIRL.
just thinking about it

hmm... 3 years, 36 months. yes, it has been 3 years. the way time flies. just imagine how many things could happen in that span of time. looking back, it just makes me feel so old. haha. but i'm sure if there was a point in that 3 years i actually stopped feeling this way. maybe i have. maybe i forgot for a day or two. maybe i tried. but i guess it wasn't possible. it's now even stronger than before, despite all the different circumstances.

i always ask myself why. why does it have to be this way? why can't it be like the others? why must be life so unfair? why do we keep coming back to this? it's really confusing at first because we've done this so many times before. we've given up and tried again over and over. and yet we're still here.


sometimes it's like an addiction or vice you can't just quit. no matter how hard you try, you just can't get it out of your system. the way you feel so high and light and happy without any pain in the world. and yet if you lose it, you'd feel all the emptiness inside of you. you'd feel all the longing and wanting for some more. that somehow the pain of losing would hurt really really bad. like you have a stinging pain in your heart like you've been stabbed for real. you cry and cry while you shout and scream for it. but no one hears you. no one's gonna help you unless you help yourself. then one day you realize you must move on. life does not stop for you. you're getting better. you're now okay. until that day you are face to face again with the thing that caused you to break down, to lose it. it still feels good, but you know you shouldn't do it. what would you choose? would you just be brave enough to walk away or take the risk of going for it without any guarantees in life?

why do i keep fighting for this? why am i so hard-headed and stubborn to keep wanting this? it's just crazy. it's insane. somehow, it's not right. but i'm stuck. i'm bound to this for as long as it takes. i'm not complaining at all. like i said, i'm just thinking about it.

and whatever happens in the years to come, i don't care. all i know is that right now i'm happy with what i'm feeling. and if it doesn't really work, i'm grateful for whole experience because something like this only happens once in a lifetime. [*nax. haha!] enjoy life. we all deserve to be happy. take risks. someday they'll be worth it.


Tuesday, February 27, 2007 | 4:13 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y


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