saying goodbye.
after a long time writing in this blog, i have to say goodbye. this might be my last time to write here. i'm starting anew in my life right now and i want to start right. this may be the first step. so i'm letting go. i've worked so hard on this blog but i must move on. but of course, i'll still be writing.
i'm moving to a new home. http://anirtakanna.blogspot.com visit me!
logging off..
closed chapter.
i'm moving to a new home. http://anirtakanna.blogspot.com visit me!
logging off..
closed chapter.
does history have to keep repeating itself?
or am i stupid to actually not learn from the mistakes in the past?
my heavy heart is about to break. my head is in a whirl, full of questions and doubts. and i'm holding back all the tears to not make a complete fool of myself in class.
i'm trying to be strong to be able to put on a smile for friends to see. but i feel so weak. i just can't be me. i'm ok. or atleast i'm going to be.
i'm about to let go. i wanna let go. should i wait for it to happen or just walk away now? i just want this to be over with. now.
or am i stupid to actually not learn from the mistakes in the past?
my heavy heart is about to break. my head is in a whirl, full of questions and doubts. and i'm holding back all the tears to not make a complete fool of myself in class.
i'm trying to be strong to be able to put on a smile for friends to see. but i feel so weak. i just can't be me. i'm ok. or atleast i'm going to be.
i'm about to let go. i wanna let go. should i wait for it to happen or just walk away now? i just want this to be over with. now.
all good.
today was a good. it was just one of those rare days that i get to spend time with my friends and really get to know each other more. yes, two of my friends decided to spend their afternoon at my house. they got to know a little more of the life and friends i left behind. we spent some time walking along river thames with the wind blowing cold. brrr...
being with them made me think about a few things. deep inside, i know i want to have friendships here that are like those that i left behind. but i realized that i have that kind of friendships as well here. maybe that as deep or as long. somehow it feels good. to just be with them. and talk about the future and where we all would be. where in the world we would be after this number of years. but i felt sad as well. that's the problem with international friendships. there's the uncertainty that you actually get to experience life together, physically. you experience one of the true tests of friendships. constant communication despite the distance. and when the time comes you meet face to face again, you actually understand why you're been friends all the way. if you find friendships that are once in this lifetime, that are real, hang on to that friendship. it'll all be worth it.
and guys, as long as we believe we're friends, we'll always be.
being with them made me think about a few things. deep inside, i know i want to have friendships here that are like those that i left behind. but i realized that i have that kind of friendships as well here. maybe that as deep or as long. somehow it feels good. to just be with them. and talk about the future and where we all would be. where in the world we would be after this number of years. but i felt sad as well. that's the problem with international friendships. there's the uncertainty that you actually get to experience life together, physically. you experience one of the true tests of friendships. constant communication despite the distance. and when the time comes you meet face to face again, you actually understand why you're been friends all the way. if you find friendships that are once in this lifetime, that are real, hang on to that friendship. it'll all be worth it.
and guys, as long as we believe we're friends, we'll always be.
love without limits part2
got this from the same blog. so inspring..
"there's a difference between what is right and what is true. you use your head when you think; you use your heart when you feel. you use your head when you apply all the important things in life that you learned in kindergarten; you use your heart when you remember how it felt like to get your first kiss in kindergarten. you use your head when you decide to give your heart away; you use your heart when you tell yourself you're getting more and more crazy. you use your head when you do what hurts; you use your heart to feel the pain. you use your head when you look at the future; you use your heart when you're in the moment. you use your head when you tell yourself to fight back the tears; you use your heart to lock yourself in your room to cry. but the head is powerful, and the heart is resilient. "
"there's a difference between what is right and what is true. you use your head when you think; you use your heart when you feel. you use your head when you apply all the important things in life that you learned in kindergarten; you use your heart when you remember how it felt like to get your first kiss in kindergarten. you use your head when you decide to give your heart away; you use your heart when you tell yourself you're getting more and more crazy. you use your head when you do what hurts; you use your heart to feel the pain. you use your head when you look at the future; you use your heart when you're in the moment. you use your head when you tell yourself to fight back the tears; you use your heart to lock yourself in your room to cry. but the head is powerful, and the heart is resilient. "
love without limits
i read this on someone's blog which really got me because it is so true.
'i realized that if you really love someone, you’ll screw all the “if you love him, let him go” sayings that come your way and fight for what you have, even if you feel like you’re getting tired. and when you feel like you do, you rest for a little bit, but after a while, you’ll still feel the urge to get going, fight for it some more, until you cannot fight anymore. i thought i reached that point, you know, of being so weary of the wear and tear love makes you endure, but deep inside, despite all the profanity you can think of yelling at him, at the end of the day, you still love the bastard no matter what. so you stand up again, wounds, splinters, scars and all, and fight for something so precious, like a knight protecting his kingdom, or a soldier protecting his country, or a woman protecting his heart despite all odds.
.....
was it the letter? no, coz he read it with me afterwards. was it me waking up at four in the morning? maybe. was it the sausage mcmuffin with egg? probably. it was a matter of doing all of the above and keeping your eyes on the prize, no matter how unachievable it may seem to you at any point in time. that even though you keep on saying that you give up, you know deep in your heart that you want to keep going, that you want it to work. that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. that no matter how hard it is to balance love and work, you will find time to do both, not because you have to, but because you want to.'
though you may not understand what the whole entry was about, it was something i believe to be so true and was moved. you may go and say to yourself, 'wow, that is so true.' when you have reached the point that you have given your all, that you may have reached your limit in loving someone, when you have put so much effort, time, love, understanding and your whole self in the situation, in the relationship, it's so hard to just let it go without a fight, without one more chance, without thinking it twice.
it's in loving someone that you learn so much about everything and you may have a different perspective of looking at things, at looking at life. and you would realize more about yourself especially handling all the pain or hurt that comes your way making you stronger. yes, love makes you stronger. it's suppose to. even if you are all broken inside, you're suppose to stand up and move on. you weep, you cry, you question, you blame, you grief. then one day, you let go and move on. this time, you try, you learn, you understand, you continue on, you start again.
'i realized that if you really love someone, you’ll screw all the “if you love him, let him go” sayings that come your way and fight for what you have, even if you feel like you’re getting tired. and when you feel like you do, you rest for a little bit, but after a while, you’ll still feel the urge to get going, fight for it some more, until you cannot fight anymore. i thought i reached that point, you know, of being so weary of the wear and tear love makes you endure, but deep inside, despite all the profanity you can think of yelling at him, at the end of the day, you still love the bastard no matter what. so you stand up again, wounds, splinters, scars and all, and fight for something so precious, like a knight protecting his kingdom, or a soldier protecting his country, or a woman protecting his heart despite all odds.
.....
was it the letter? no, coz he read it with me afterwards. was it me waking up at four in the morning? maybe. was it the sausage mcmuffin with egg? probably. it was a matter of doing all of the above and keeping your eyes on the prize, no matter how unachievable it may seem to you at any point in time. that even though you keep on saying that you give up, you know deep in your heart that you want to keep going, that you want it to work. that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. that no matter how hard it is to balance love and work, you will find time to do both, not because you have to, but because you want to.'
though you may not understand what the whole entry was about, it was something i believe to be so true and was moved. you may go and say to yourself, 'wow, that is so true.' when you have reached the point that you have given your all, that you may have reached your limit in loving someone, when you have put so much effort, time, love, understanding and your whole self in the situation, in the relationship, it's so hard to just let it go without a fight, without one more chance, without thinking it twice.
it's in loving someone that you learn so much about everything and you may have a different perspective of looking at things, at looking at life. and you would realize more about yourself especially handling all the pain or hurt that comes your way making you stronger. yes, love makes you stronger. it's suppose to. even if you are all broken inside, you're suppose to stand up and move on. you weep, you cry, you question, you blame, you grief. then one day, you let go and move on. this time, you try, you learn, you understand, you continue on, you start again.
weekend bonding
this is the last day of my two-week easter break. and tomorrow, i'm back to school. damn. i wasn't able to really rest because of work. and some school work. but atleast i got to have some fun this weekend before going back to late nights coz of school.
+ day one+
we were uber early at the venue. they were just setting up the banners and chairs and balloons and everything. but the weather was good. warm, sunny weather but still cold. haha. but i was excited. don't know why.
opening ceremonies: hmm.. not much to say. they started late. liverpool team was uber late so they weren't able to participate in the opening ceremonies. uhm, yeah, that's about it.
intermission numbers: first up was the arnis exhibition. cool. next, line dancing. wahahaha. they call that entertainment? no offense, but it was just funny. next..
+ day one+
we were uber early at the venue. they were just setting up the banners and chairs and balloons and everything. but the weather was good. warm, sunny weather but still cold. haha. but i was excited. don't know why.
opening ceremonies: hmm.. not much to say. they started late. liverpool team was uber late so they weren't able to participate in the opening ceremonies. uhm, yeah, that's about it.
intermission numbers: first up was the arnis exhibition. cool. next, line dancing. wahahaha. they call that entertainment? no offense, but it was just funny. next..
game 1 - portsmouth vs birmingham: hmm.. i missed watching the game live. nothing exciting about the game. plus, it was lunchtime. so we left the place for a while to eat.
game 2 - central london vs southampton: it was still lunchtime. so wasn't there to watch the game. i think it was central london who won. heard it was a good game.
game 3 - east london vs epsom: there's only word to describe this game. sambo! okay fine, we'll make it two. sambo-reyes. it was the best game of the day. the place was full-packed. gulong! hahaha. it was only the most intense game. there was just the thought that fights could begin from all the teasing. tensions were in the air. i wanted east london to win. i wanted sambo to win. haha. because reyes was a little, hmm.. full of himself that's why i didn't want them to win. haha. sadly east london didn't win. but it was definitely a good game. woohoo! sambo! yeah!
game 4 - liverpool vs worthing: where did all the people go? seriously, it was kinda empty after the last game. this time, i wanted liverpool to win because they traveled so far. but sad to say, they didn't.
players' night: but where are the players exactly? only the liverpool team was there because they were staying for the night in london. there was suppose to be a live band but they were late. food was okay but it was not proper dinner. just party food. then, speeches, photo-ops, awarding, some dancing. then live band. then home. i was sort of drunk from drinking alot with my mum. haha. bonding session. cheers!
+ day two +
we went to mass at 11. and it was the latin mass. it was the mass where most prayers and songs were sung in latin. had no idea what they were singing. and the mass was actually longer than the ordinary mass i go through. they were singing 'maria maria maria' for like, five minutes. but it was okay. after the mass, we headed straight to the game.
semi final game 1-2: uhm, well, wasn't able to see much of it as we were late. and it was lunchtime. so eat, eat, eat. hahaha.
shoot-outs: i-remit, u-remit, we-remit. hahaha.
3rd place game - portsmouth vs worthing: go worthing. too bad they didn't win. there was only five of them and since this was basketball, they were playing the whole time. they were so tired at the end of the game that my mum decided to give free lunch. hahaha.
final game - epsom vs central london: one word. lakubtan! yeah! go.. this time i wanted central london to win because reyes was in epsom. he may be a good player but attitude. uhm, too much. sadly, epsom did win but lakubtan won mvp. yey! it was a close fight really and such a nice game. so exciting.
game 2 - central london vs southampton: it was still lunchtime. so wasn't there to watch the game. i think it was central london who won. heard it was a good game.
game 3 - east london vs epsom: there's only word to describe this game. sambo! okay fine, we'll make it two. sambo-reyes. it was the best game of the day. the place was full-packed. gulong! hahaha. it was only the most intense game. there was just the thought that fights could begin from all the teasing. tensions were in the air. i wanted east london to win. i wanted sambo to win. haha. because reyes was a little, hmm.. full of himself that's why i didn't want them to win. haha. sadly east london didn't win. but it was definitely a good game. woohoo! sambo! yeah!
game 4 - liverpool vs worthing: where did all the people go? seriously, it was kinda empty after the last game. this time, i wanted liverpool to win because they traveled so far. but sad to say, they didn't.
players' night: but where are the players exactly? only the liverpool team was there because they were staying for the night in london. there was suppose to be a live band but they were late. food was okay but it was not proper dinner. just party food. then, speeches, photo-ops, awarding, some dancing. then live band. then home. i was sort of drunk from drinking alot with my mum. haha. bonding session. cheers!
+ day two +
we went to mass at 11. and it was the latin mass. it was the mass where most prayers and songs were sung in latin. had no idea what they were singing. and the mass was actually longer than the ordinary mass i go through. they were singing 'maria maria maria' for like, five minutes. but it was okay. after the mass, we headed straight to the game.
semi final game 1-2: uhm, well, wasn't able to see much of it as we were late. and it was lunchtime. so eat, eat, eat. hahaha.
shoot-outs: i-remit, u-remit, we-remit. hahaha.
3rd place game - portsmouth vs worthing: go worthing. too bad they didn't win. there was only five of them and since this was basketball, they were playing the whole time. they were so tired at the end of the game that my mum decided to give free lunch. hahaha.
final game - epsom vs central london: one word. lakubtan! yeah! go.. this time i wanted central london to win because reyes was in epsom. he may be a good player but attitude. uhm, too much. sadly, epsom did win but lakubtan won mvp. yey! it was a close fight really and such a nice game. so exciting.
wierd horoscopes for the day
funfilled? sexy as hell? silliness? naughtiness? what? hmmm.. okay let me see, what kind of fun is this talking about? can someone tell me? i just don't know what to say. obviously, most of the things that i've written here are questions because i just don't know what to do. hahahahaaa. that was a nervous laugh right there...
good news? that was yesterday's horoscope. and to be honest, yesterday wasn't really a good day at all. and i don't think i really received any good news. i was thinking 'did i receive any good news yesterday?'. hmmm... i don't think so. my only consolation is that i didn't receive any bad news either. please, i don't want to receive any bad news soon. oh please...
your alter-ego is showing
gahd, what is happening to me today? maybe something to do with friday the thirteenth. i don't really believe in that superstition that friday the thirteenth is such a bad day. that it is suppose to be a day of bad luck. paraskavedekatriaphobia. word for this day. fear of friday the thirteenth. but i'm not scared of friday the thirteenth. coz i'm not really superstitious. i just think that this day isn't going well at all. not one bit. well maybe just one or two things.
seriously, talking to him this morning was just bad. nothing was right. we don't get to talk often and that call was just not meant to be. i don't want to say it but really, it was kinda a waste of time. i felt so stupid talking and crying and being dramatic that eventhough i was on the phone, i was alone. wierd enough, it was like i was being possessed by someone that i didn't understand and i couldn't control. yes, it was like i wasn't going mad. it was like i wasn't myself. if it wasn't late in the night and if it wasn't over the phone, i would be shouting and screaming and going crazy causing a scene. i felt so paranoid and sad and depressed and disappointed. i was on the verge of breaking down. well actually, i already did break down. maybe i need anti-depressants. or maybe, like jah, i really am on the first degree of bipolar disorder. no, no. i shouldn't be this negative. this is just one of those days where homesickness takes effect. so this would not last for long. i'm still adjusting. and i hope to get used to this soon. fingers crossed. hope i'll be better tomorrow. no, i know i'll be better tomorrow.
so just chill. breath, anakat, breath.
uhm, hugs anyone? please..
seriously, talking to him this morning was just bad. nothing was right. we don't get to talk often and that call was just not meant to be. i don't want to say it but really, it was kinda a waste of time. i felt so stupid talking and crying and being dramatic that eventhough i was on the phone, i was alone. wierd enough, it was like i was being possessed by someone that i didn't understand and i couldn't control. yes, it was like i wasn't going mad. it was like i wasn't myself. if it wasn't late in the night and if it wasn't over the phone, i would be shouting and screaming and going crazy causing a scene. i felt so paranoid and sad and depressed and disappointed. i was on the verge of breaking down. well actually, i already did break down. maybe i need anti-depressants. or maybe, like jah, i really am on the first degree of bipolar disorder. no, no. i shouldn't be this negative. this is just one of those days where homesickness takes effect. so this would not last for long. i'm still adjusting. and i hope to get used to this soon. fingers crossed. hope i'll be better tomorrow. no, i know i'll be better tomorrow.
so just chill. breath, anakat, breath.
uhm, hugs anyone? please..
november 16
1) Go to Wikipedia
2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.
3) List three events that happened on your birthday.
4) List two important birthdays and one death.
5) One holiday or observance (if any).
events!
1914 - The Federal Reserve Bank of the United States officially opens.
1933 - The United States and the Soviet Union establish formal diplomatic relations.
2001 - The first Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in the United States), is released in theatres in the United Kingdom, United States, Canada and Mexico.
birthdays!
42 BC - Tiberius, Roman emperor (d. 37)
1930 - Chinua Achebe, Nigerian author
death!
1272 - King Henry III of England (b. 1207)
holiday!
International Day for Tolerance
2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.
3) List three events that happened on your birthday.
4) List two important birthdays and one death.
5) One holiday or observance (if any).
events!
1914 - The Federal Reserve Bank of the United States officially opens.
1933 - The United States and the Soviet Union establish formal diplomatic relations.
2001 - The first Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in the United States), is released in theatres in the United Kingdom, United States, Canada and Mexico.
birthdays!
42 BC - Tiberius, Roman emperor (d. 37)
1930 - Chinua Achebe, Nigerian author
death!
1272 - King Henry III of England (b. 1207)
holiday!
International Day for Tolerance
tarot card
You are Judgement
Happiness, Content, Joy.
Judgment is related to the Hebrew letter Shin, which is fiery and spiritual. A break from the past, going forward.
With Fire as its ruling element, Judgement is about rebirth or ressurection. The idea of Judgement day is that the dead rise, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Judgement card is similar, it asks the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
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AnakatA.k.a. Nekatz, Anna, Kat
16/11/88
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