saying goodbye.

after a long time writing in this blog, i have to say goodbye. this might be my last time to write here. i'm starting anew in my life right now and i want to start right. this may be the first step. so i'm letting go. i've worked so hard on this blog but i must move on. but of course, i'll still be writing.

i'm moving to a new home. visit me!

logging off..

closed chapter.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 | 2:40 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

does history have to keep repeating itself?

or am i stupid to actually not learn from the mistakes in the past?

my heavy heart is about to break. my head is in a whirl, full of questions and doubts. and i'm holding back all the tears to not make a complete fool of myself in class.

i'm trying to be strong to be able to put on a smile for friends to see. but i feel so weak. i just can't be me. i'm ok. or atleast i'm going to be.

i'm about to let go. i wanna let go. should i wait for it to happen or just walk away now? i just want this to be over with. now.

| 3:45 AM | 0 comments ;
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all good.

today was a good. it was just one of those rare days that i get to spend time with my friends and really get to know each other more. yes, two of my friends decided to spend their afternoon at my house. they got to know a little more of the life and friends i left behind. we spent some time walking along river thames with the wind blowing cold. brrr...

being with them made me think about a few things. deep inside, i know i want to have friendships here that are like those that i left behind. but i realized that i have that kind of friendships as well here. maybe that as deep or as long. somehow it feels good. to just be with them. and talk about the future and where we all would be. where in the world we would be after this number of years. but i felt sad as well. that's the problem with international friendships. there's the uncertainty that you actually get to experience life together, physically. you experience one of the true tests of friendships. constant communication despite the distance. and when the time comes you meet face to face again, you actually understand why you're been friends all the way. if you find friendships that are once in this lifetime, that are real, hang on to that friendship. it'll all be worth it.

and guys, as long as we believe we're friends, we'll always be.

Friday, April 20, 2007 | 3:17 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

love without limits part2

got this from the same blog. so inspring..

"there's a difference between what is right and what is true. you use your head when you think; you use your heart when you feel. you use your head when you apply all the important things in life that you learned in kindergarten; you use your heart when you remember how it felt like to get your first kiss in kindergarten. you use your head when you decide to give your heart away; you use your heart when you tell yourself you're getting more and more crazy. you use your head when you do what hurts; you use your heart to feel the pain. you use your head when you look at the future; you use your heart when you're in the moment. you use your head when you tell yourself to fight back the tears; you use your heart to lock yourself in your room to cry. but the head is powerful, and the heart is resilient. "

Tuesday, April 17, 2007 | 4:42 AM | 0 comments ;
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love without limits

i read this on someone's blog which really got me because it is so true.

'i realized that if you really love someone, you’ll screw all the “if you love him, let him go” sayings that come your way and fight for what you have, even if you feel like you’re getting tired. and when you feel like you do, you rest for a little bit, but after a while, you’ll still feel the urge to get going, fight for it some more, until you cannot fight anymore. i thought i reached that point, you know, of being so weary of the wear and tear love makes you endure, but deep inside, despite all the profanity you can think of yelling at him, at the end of the day, you still love the bastard no matter what. so you stand up again, wounds, splinters, scars and all, and fight for something so precious, like a knight protecting his kingdom, or a soldier protecting his country, or a woman protecting his heart despite all odds.


was it the letter? no, coz he read it with me afterwards. was it me waking up at four in the morning? maybe. was it the sausage mcmuffin with egg? probably. it was a matter of doing all of the above and keeping your eyes on the prize, no matter how unachievable it may seem to you at any point in time. that even though you keep on saying that you give up, you know deep in your heart that you want to keep going, that you want it to work. that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. that no matter how hard it is to balance love and work, you will find time to do both, not because you have to, but because you want to.'

though you may not understand what the whole entry was about, it was something i believe to be so true and was moved. you may go and say to yourself, 'wow, that is so true.' when you have reached the point that you have given your all, that you may have reached your limit in loving someone, when you have put so much effort, time, love, understanding and your whole self in the situation, in the relationship, it's so hard to just let it go without a fight, without one more chance, without thinking it twice.

it's in loving someone that you learn so much about everything and you may have a different perspective of looking at things, at looking at life. and you would realize more about yourself especially handling all the pain or hurt that comes your way making you stronger. yes, love makes you stronger. it's suppose to. even if you are all broken inside, you're suppose to stand up and move on. you weep, you cry, you question, you blame, you grief. then one day, you let go and move on. this time, you try, you learn, you understand, you continue on, you start again.

Monday, April 16, 2007 | 4:18 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

weekend bonding

this is the last day of my two-week easter break. and tomorrow, i'm back to school. damn. i wasn't able to really rest because of work. and some school work. but atleast i got to have some fun this weekend before going back to late nights coz of school.

+ day one+

we were uber early at the venue. they were just setting up the banners and chairs and balloons and everything. but the weather was good. warm, sunny weather but still cold. haha. but i was excited. don't know why.

opening ceremonies: hmm.. not much to say. they started late. liverpool team was uber late so they weren't able to participate in the opening ceremonies. uhm, yeah, that's about it.

intermission numbers: first up was the arnis exhibition. cool. next, line dancing. wahahaha. they call that entertainment? no offense, but it was just funny. next..

game 1 - portsmouth vs birmingham: hmm.. i missed watching the game live. nothing exciting about the game. plus, it was lunchtime. so we left the place for a while to eat.

game 2 - central london vs southampton: it was still lunchtime. so wasn't there to watch the game. i think it was central london who won. heard it was a good game.

game 3 - east london vs epsom: there's only word to describe this game. sambo! okay fine, we'll make it two. sambo-reyes. it was the best game of the day. the place was full-packed. gulong! hahaha. it was only the most intense game. there was just the thought that fights could begin from all the teasing. tensions were in the air. i wanted east london to win. i wanted sambo to win. haha. because reyes was a little, hmm.. full of himself that's why i didn't want them to win. haha. sadly east london didn't win. but it was definitely a good game. woohoo! sambo! yeah!

game 4 - liverpool vs worthing: where did all the people go? seriously, it was kinda empty after the last game. this time, i wanted liverpool to win because they traveled so far. but sad to say, they didn't.

players' night: but where are the players exactly? only the liverpool team was there because they were staying for the night in london. there was suppose to be a live band but they were late. food was okay but it was not proper dinner. just party food. then, speeches, photo-ops, awarding, some dancing. then live band. then home. i was sort of drunk from drinking alot with my mum. haha. bonding session. cheers!

+ day two +

we went to mass at 11. and it was the latin mass. it was the mass where most prayers and songs were sung in latin. had no idea what they were singing. and the mass was actually longer than the ordinary mass i go through. they were singing 'maria maria maria' for like, five minutes. but it was okay. after the mass, we headed straight to the game.

semi final game 1-2: uhm, well, wasn't able to see much of it as we were late. and it was lunchtime. so eat, eat, eat. hahaha.

shoot-outs: i-remit, u-remit, we-remit. hahaha.

3rd place game - portsmouth vs worthing: go worthing. too bad they didn't win. there was only five of them and since this was basketball, they were playing the whole time. they were so tired at the end of the game that my mum decided to give free lunch. hahaha.

final game - epsom vs central london: one word. lakubtan! yeah! go.. this time i wanted central london to win because reyes was in epsom. he may be a good player but attitude. uhm, too much. sadly, epsom did win but lakubtan won mvp. yey! it was a close fight really and such a nice game. so exciting.

Sunday, April 15, 2007 | 12:04 PM | 0 comments ;
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wierd horoscopes for the day

funfilled? sexy as hell? silliness? naughtiness? what? hmmm.. okay let me see, what kind of fun is this talking about? can someone tell me? i just don't know what to say. obviously, most of the things that i've written here are questions because i just don't know what to do. hahahahaaa. that was a nervous laugh right there...

good news? that was yesterday's horoscope. and to be honest, yesterday wasn't really a good day at all. and i don't think i really received any good news. i was thinking 'did i receive any good news yesterday?'. hmmm... i don't think so. my only consolation is that i didn't receive any bad news either. please, i don't want to receive any bad news soon. oh please...

Saturday, April 14, 2007 | 2:36 PM | 0 comments ;
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your alter-ego is showing

gahd, what is happening to me today? maybe something to do with friday the thirteenth. i don't really believe in that superstition that friday the thirteenth is such a bad day. that it is suppose to be a day of bad luck. paraskavedekatriaphobia. word for this day. fear of friday the thirteenth. but i'm not scared of friday the thirteenth. coz i'm not really superstitious. i just think that this day isn't going well at all. not one bit. well maybe just one or two things.

seriously, talking to him this morning was just bad. nothing was right. we don't get to talk often and that call was just not meant to be. i don't want to say it but really, it was kinda a waste of time. i felt so stupid talking and crying and being dramatic that eventhough i was on the phone, i was alone. wierd enough, it was like i was being possessed by someone that i didn't understand and i couldn't control. yes, it was like i wasn't going mad. it was like i wasn't myself. if it wasn't late in the night and if it wasn't over the phone, i would be shouting and screaming and going crazy causing a scene. i felt so paranoid and sad and depressed and disappointed. i was on the verge of breaking down. well actually, i already did break down. maybe i need anti-depressants. or maybe, like jah, i really am on the first degree of bipolar disorder. no, no. i shouldn't be this negative. this is just one of those days where homesickness takes effect. so this would not last for long. i'm still adjusting. and i hope to get used to this soon. fingers crossed. hope i'll be better tomorrow. no, i know i'll be better tomorrow.

so just chill. breath, anakat, breath.

uhm, hugs anyone? please..

Friday, April 13, 2007 | 5:24 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

november 16

1) Go to Wikipedia
2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.
3) List three events that happened on your birthday.
4) List two important birthdays and one death.
5) One holiday or observance (if any).

1914 - The Federal Reserve Bank of the United States officially opens.
1933 - The United States and the Soviet Union establish formal diplomatic relations.
2001 - The first Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in the United States), is released in theatres in the United Kingdom, United States, Canada and Mexico.

42 BC - Tiberius, Roman emperor (d. 37)
1930 - Chinua Achebe, Nigerian author

1272 - King Henry III of England (b. 1207)

International Day for Tolerance

Wednesday, April 11, 2007 | 5:40 AM | 0 comments ;
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tarot card

You are Judgement

Happiness, Content, Joy.

Judgment is related to the Hebrew letter Shin, which is fiery and spiritual. A break from the past, going forward.

With Fire as its ruling element, Judgement is about rebirth or ressurection. The idea of Judgement day is that the dead rise, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Judgement card is similar, it asks the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Monday, April 09, 2007 | 10:15 AM | 0 comments ;
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love does hurt.

love does hurt. your heart doesn't have to be broken just for love to hurt. your heart can also feel weird stuff like being nervous or worried or paranoid. then you feel sad and lonely. and of course, you hurt. there would also be times you can't keep it all inside and just have to cry to let it all out. you see, i have always had a funny picture of love in my head. and somehow, i thought that loving someone and try to give your all is enough. they say that being loved by the one you love is everything and such a wonderful feeling. and it truly is. it means a lot. but somehow, life has a funny way of letting me know how love feels. i envy people who are relationships and are just so happy to be in love with not much problems to deal with. i'm not saying i'm not happy to be in love. i am. very much. but it seems that we just don't run out of trials and problems we have to deal with. we have both worked so hard to try to make this last. and it is really hard. it's tiring and there are times you just want to give up but of course, you won't. i really hope that all our hard work wouldn't go to waste. i so want this to work and last a lifetime. no matter how long i will have to have to wait and work on this. after all, nobody said love was easy, they only say it was worth it.

Thursday, March 29, 2007 | 3:37 PM | 0 comments ;
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love hurts. hmmm.... do you think it is trying to tell me something??

| 1:18 PM | 0 comments ;
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don't be such a snob

i just hate when people talk about me and don't even really know me. it's so annoying. i don't really know as well, that's why i don't really want it to be a big thing. but it's just so damn annoying. think i wouldn't be able to hear it or understand it. for crying out loud, they were staring at me and speaking in tagalog. of course, i would understand it. maybe they were just saying i was filipina. but if they were something otherwise, screw them. buwahaha. maybe it was about my friend i was with. but i doubt it.

one thing i hate about people is when they think they are all that and that they are superior to look down on people. they have no idea what they are doing and the effect it has on people. along with that, i also hate the way they actually stare at you as if something is wrong with you.

and honestly, times like this, i wish i wasn't here in the first place. i would just hate it.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 | 3:50 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

my horoscopes for today.

one habit we have is to look at our horoscopes. they always give away free newspapers at the tube stations. too bad i don't take the tube going the school. so i'd have this everyday. and of course, sudoku fun. hahaha.

hmmm.. this just has got me thinking.

don't give up. hold on. the only thing that comes to mine is our relationship. this long distance relationship is really hard. sooo hard. yes, i'm tempted to give up. to let go. i'm so confused if i should continue fighting for this. but like what it says 'don't give up' and even if it's hard, even if it i want him so much that it hurts to not be beside him that i cry. i'm not gonna give up. i'm not gonna give you up. i'm not gonna give US up. not now. not ever. i'm holding on tightly so please don't ever let go.

Monday, March 26, 2007 | 2:08 PM | 0 comments ;
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My Celebrity Look-alikes

Saturday, March 24, 2007 | 12:07 PM | 0 comments ;
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it's still beating....

my heart is tired. i've been working so hard to keep relationships intact. sometimes i think i should leave it all to fate because that would be easier. what will happen will happen. but then, i would be stuck waiting for something that may not ever happen. that's the sad side of being a hopeless romantic. you tend to have high expectations when it comes to loving you. however the cheesiest lines or the simplest craziest thing done for you is enough to keep you happy. i'm tired of doing almost everything even though i actually love doing it. in a way, i'm tired of loving. i'm not saying i don't want to love anymore. all i want is to be loved. without having to do so much. to have someone doing the things i do for me, for us. i'm also not saying that i'm giving up. i cannot. i won't. not now. after all i've done and all we've been through. it's too late to give up now. i'm only human so i get tired too. i'm not some sort of robot that is programmed to do things. even robots need to be charged to function. i don't really know. maybe i'm scared. i'm scared that all this hard work i'm doing would go to a waste. i don't want all my sacrifices to just lose its meaning and all this fighting and waiting be of no significance. i can't be certain what is gonna happen tomorrow or next week or next month or after six years. the one thing i'm certain of now is that this feeling is stronger than it has ever been and i wouldn't have it any other way.

you see, all i want is someone who sends me cards on my birthday, valentines, anniversaries, christmas or just because he wants me to know how much he misses me in letters. i want someone who would call me in the middle of the night from where he is, because it is early morning where i am, just to tell me 'i love you' and to hear my voice. i want someone who would stay up late just to go online to chat with me. i want someone who would send me gifts even if it costs him alot of money just to make me happy. i want someone who would proudly keep telling his friends about me. i want someone who would willingly give up his life for me because he'd rather die than live without me. i simply want someone who would love me more than i can ever love him. most of all, i just want to be happy in love. no doubts. no uncertainties. no pain. no hardship. just love, good times and one another.

but then again, despite all that, i just want you. enough said.

Friday, March 23, 2007 | 10:53 AM | 0 comments ;
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"stand outside this evening. look at the stars. know that you are special and loved by the One who created them."

i like this little cartoon because it seems to be something i like to do nowadays. go stargazing by myself. actually, stare at the stars and wish how life would be different and easier. think about my friends back home and of course, my boyfriend. i don't know but somehow, when i look at the stars, it makes me feel closer to home. to actually be under the same big sky and the stars. i just want to see a shooting star. so that i could wish all my worries away. and i could wish that i would be where i want to be. some place that's far from here.

Thursday, March 22, 2007 | 12:18 PM | 0 comments ;
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Should you be friends with your Ex?

By Emily Battaglia, LifeScript Staff Writer
Wednesday, March 21, 2007

“I still want to be friends.” “We’re better as friends than lovers.” Those words are the kiss of death in many relationships. Are they simply said to soften the blow or are they genuine? Even with the best of intentions, it’s tough to become buddies after a breakup. According to a 2004 poll, 48% of people surveyed said they remained friends with their ex. And 18% of those surveyed said that they’ve tried, but it didn’t work. Can you really be friends with a former lover? Find out now. Plus: Are you over your ex?

There’s no way around it – breaking up is hard to do, as most of us know from first-hand experience. Ending a relationship is especially painful when you’ve invested a lot of time and emotional energy.

Naturally, the thought of never seeing or speaking to your loved one again is scary. That’s why so many couples want to remain friends. And that’s why so many women believe a platonic relationship is better than losing someone entirely.

continuation: just click below.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 | 12:04 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

halo-halo in springtime.

argh..why does this monday have to be soo bad? okay, so this morning i had to take the bus to college because they used the car to pick up my dad from the airport. yes, he has arrived from the philippines. so anyway, i left home in time to get on the bus. so here i was on the bus and then when the bus making a turn, the side mirror of a car went flying to the other side of the road. as in whoa. haha. so when the bus took another turn, the car followed and stopped the bus i was oh. sh*t. i was thinking, 'gawd, i'm gonna be late if they don't hurry up'. so i just switched bus and arrived at college early. what's with monday mornings? everyone's just out of their minds.


is it me or is it just because it's a monday? crap. i feel so down and sad. but not because i'm homesick. you know there are days when you just feel like something's wrong but you just don't know what. maybe it's because of his text. i felt insecure and uncertain of things. i did want history to repeat itself again. as it has done so many times before. maybe i wanted to always be part of his life. and for that moment i may have lost part in that. then i realized i lost my bracelet with a heart and i just love. it's even new. double crap.


Sunny: hey super geek!
Anna: what's your problem super nerd?
S: what did you get for c1?
A: tell me what you got first.
S: oh, come on. don't be a fish. i asked first.
A: i am not a fish.
S: ...
A: if i'm a fish, you know already you're a monkey.
S: fine.


the weather's really wierd. damn global warming. hahaha. last week it was almost like summer. you could feel the heat coming on. but today it was just so damn cold!! i had to wear my winter jacket again. another wierd thing was that it rained for a few minutes. then the sun shined. then it snowed a little. then sunshine. lastly hail. ouch. then of course sunny day again. it's just so funny thinking about it. weatherman said it was also gonna snow this week. have to get ready for that. but then again, the weatherman is not reliable that much anymore. poor weatherman. haha.


did i ever say that statistics is booring?! as in. i'm not saying easy. there's a difference. all i'm saying is that it's booooring...zzzz. haha.


"so she's brazilian, she's indian, philippinian and iranian.." "huh? wait..philippinian? me? there's no such word." hahaha! every time i think about it, people keep saying either i'm philippinian or philippinian food. and i'm keep saying 'there's no such word as philippinian'. and then i go teaching the right words to say. even my teacher said philippinian. funny. haha. well what can i say? i'm proud to be philippinian!! haha.

Monday, March 19, 2007 | 3:30 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

My Celebrity Look-alikes

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from Get one for yourself.

Saturday, March 17, 2007 | 12:42 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

Thursday, March 15, 2007 | 3:34 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

mixed thoughts.

it's tuesday again. crap. i'd hate it completely if i didn't get to talk to him early this morning. that's my consolation for such a bad day.


it's seems everybody's just so busy. it's quite hard to get to talk to people nowadays. they're either busy with requirements for school or busy studying for exams. it's funny how life keeps us busy with totally different things. but sadly, i can't help but be sort of laid back at times. which i really hate that about myself at times. argh. gotta get some work done.


oh besh, my gahd, i missed you. talking to you last sunday was such a good thing. a little catching up. it made me think back on times before. i missed going out with you and simply hanging out, non-stop chikahan and chillin. haay. those were the easier times. i super appreciate the honesty you have and the frankness you always bring. i like that about you. naks. hehe. you take care always, ok? i'll always be here if ever you need me. i love you besh. miss you. *bigbearhugs*


monday's are totally loong. and boring. i come in early to a subject that is boooring. then i wait almost 3hours for another subject that is pointless, which is accounting of course. let me see. monday's accounting is the most wasted time ever. first of all, we have the lesson in the biology lab. we waste 30 minutes on register, making plans and settling down in the classroom. someone is always late so gives them time to be marked in. aside from that, our class is multi-lingual. there are people speaking persian, albanian, vietnamese and even cantonese. maybe by the end of my second year in accounting, i know how to speak one or two of these languages. hahaha. and oh, there are also screaming and fighting and bullying in my class. and before i forget, of course, eating and non-stop talking. the teacher can't help but turn red every lesson. which is funny. hahaha.


sometimes i can't believe that i'm actually in a long-distance relationship. sometimes it seems so surreal. and believe it or not, it has been almost seven months already and we're still here. it's really funny sometimes when i look back on what has happened and then i look at what we have now. it's just wierd and crazy. and believe me when i say i'm happy. i hope he's really happy too. through all of the hard times we have been through, i think this is the hardest. and i'm praying that we see this through. i am telling you this is hard. gaahd. sometimes we don't get to talk for a week. and it's hard not to be worried and scared. but somehow this is working for us. i don't know exactly how. but yeah, it's working. i just hope this time, it lasts.


last friday, my dad left for the philippines for a week because of a seminar. and we were there to see him off. gahd, was i jealous!! i was wishing that it was me. i wanted that to be me going on the plane and on the way home. argh!! i am so homesick!! if you only knew what it really is like. waaaah. have you ever watched the movie, love actually? at the beginning and end of the film, it showed an airport where people were either leaving or coming home. what i liked about that scenes was that it was so real. that people coming home were welcomed with loving arms. awwww... when will that be me?? i'm keeping my fingers crossed for this summer.


i just want to tell you bu, i love you so much. now, more than ever. i'm never felt this secure and content about our relationship. i'm always thinking about you and missing you sooo much. of course, i'm also always praying for us. you take care always there. no chicks!! it's bad for your health. haha. i love you. *muwah*

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 | 4:50 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

My Celebrity Look-alikes

Saturday, March 10, 2007 | 12:23 PM | 0 comments ;
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exactly what i need

"sometimes it is so easy to think of giving up on someone we love. but the real measure of love is in choosing to stay in a relationship even when there seems to be no reason left for us to. when we cannot find a reason to love someone anymore, then that is the time when we have to teach ourselves to love some more, and give some more."

Saturday, March 03, 2007 | 3:45 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

just thinking about it

hmm... 3 years, 36 months. yes, it has been 3 years. the way time flies. just imagine how many things could happen in that span of time. looking back, it just makes me feel so old. haha. but i'm sure if there was a point in that 3 years i actually stopped feeling this way. maybe i have. maybe i forgot for a day or two. maybe i tried. but i guess it wasn't possible. it's now even stronger than before, despite all the different circumstances.

i always ask myself why. why does it have to be this way? why can't it be like the others? why must be life so unfair? why do we keep coming back to this? it's really confusing at first because we've done this so many times before. we've given up and tried again over and over. and yet we're still here.

sometimes it's like an addiction or vice you can't just quit. no matter how hard you try, you just can't get it out of your system. the way you feel so high and light and happy without any pain in the world. and yet if you lose it, you'd feel all the emptiness inside of you. you'd feel all the longing and wanting for some more. that somehow the pain of losing would hurt really really bad. like you have a stinging pain in your heart like you've been stabbed for real. you cry and cry while you shout and scream for it. but no one hears you. no one's gonna help you unless you help yourself. then one day you realize you must move on. life does not stop for you. you're getting better. you're now okay. until that day you are face to face again with the thing that caused you to break down, to lose it. it still feels good, but you know you shouldn't do it. what would you choose? would you just be brave enough to walk away or take the risk of going for it without any guarantees in life?

why do i keep fighting for this? why am i so hard-headed and stubborn to keep wanting this? it's just crazy. it's insane. somehow, it's not right. but i'm stuck. i'm bound to this for as long as it takes. i'm not complaining at all. like i said, i'm just thinking about it.

and whatever happens in the years to come, i don't care. all i know is that right now i'm happy with what i'm feeling. and if it doesn't really work, i'm grateful for whole experience because something like this only happens once in a lifetime. [*nax. haha!] enjoy life. we all deserve to be happy. take risks. someday they'll be worth it.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 | 4:13 AM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

just some advice i found online

~> this is for those in long-distance relationships and want to make it work. however it is also important for those in a relationship and may be going through a rough time.

1. No matter how frustrated you feel, always remember that this is not how it will be forever.

2. DO NOT focus on your sadness. When i feel sad, I always go to the gym and by the end of the workout i feel better. [what i suggest that you can do is spend alot more time with friends or take up a hobby]

3. Keep busy! It's so important to stay active and live your life, don't hold back from doing the normal day to day stuff. I found myself not going out as much and it made me very low, doesn't help the relationship.

4. DO NOT feel guilty about getting with things. You cannot put your life on hold because your loved one isn't around. It's one thing feeling sad and another hiding away.

5. BE STRONG. It's so hard, and at times very lonely, keep good friends and family around you.

Thursday, February 22, 2007 | 11:16 AM | 0 comments ;
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My Celebrity Look-alikes

Saturday, February 17, 2007 | 12:32 PM;
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in the week that passed.

February 16, 2007

ok. so let's review. my hell week of mock exams has finished and it's now half-term break. yes, hell week because i just got well from being sick last weekend and wasn't able to study. so i had no choice but to cram. so i had a few hours to sleep all week. and at some points i felt so weak. then there's valentine's day which has passed and i think my heart's still intact. hahaha. the day was okay. i spent most of my day studying so as i wouldn't feel so sad. it's another first for me. first valentine's so far away. but of course, i wanted to make sure he wouldn't change his mind when he sees all the dates and couples spending it together. i think he also wanted to make sure i wouldn't change my mind. so i used all the minutes on the callcard just to talk to him. after that, it got me thinking what's so special about valentine's.

what magic does feb14 have that makes almost everyone wanting to be in love, wanting to spend it with someone special? to be honest, i don't know. we all want to experience the feeling of spending it with someone special. you know, receiving flowers or chocolates or stuffy toys or balloons or love letters or any kind of surprise from someone who has been planning for it whole week just to make you smile or feel loved. i miss having that. i do have someone special but it's not the same. the whole scene where you go on dates together, holding hands under the stars, exchanging kisses and just quiet moments spent together. haaay. the hopeless-romantic side of me is again kicking in. i hate it sometimes. it makes me homesick so much.

so going back to whay i am actually saying in the first place, what makes valentine's day so damn special?? what sets it apart from christmas? they're both special occasions. you're supposed to give and spread love on christmas. but for me, i'd spend christmas day with my family. and valentine's with my significant partner. and that still doesn't answer the question. i believe people really believe in love. it has been said that the greatest feeling in this world is to love and be loved. and it truly is such a good feeling. and eventhough it hurts bigtime, we still continue to love because it really is a wonderful feeling. it's a special day because it is the day we have for our hearts. the day that we're supposed to feel loved. but sadly, not everyone is sprinkled with the magic that valentine's day brings. for others, it's the day that they feel so lonely. but that's life. it's so unfair. and whatever valentine's day means to you, for me, it always will be a special day that's meant to make us happy and let us appreciate the fact that we are loved and able to love even if we don't get to spend with a partner.

i hope your valentine's would always be magical and wonderful as it is supposed to be.

~> i love you bu. ;D <~

Friday, February 16, 2007 | 12:48 PM | 0 comments ;
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happy heart's day!

Myspace Layouts

Wednesday, February 14, 2007 | 3:58 PM | 1 comments ;
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that's love

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you up and leaves you crying in the darkness. So a simple phrase like, "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination, not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love but i live because of it.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 | 1:09 PM | 0 comments ;
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My Celebrity Look-alikes

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 | 12:30 PM | 0 comments ;
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it's tuesday once again.

February06, 2007

blog blog blog. weeeh. i'm trying to focus now on being more studious for college. it seems i have been a little laid-back for some time. because everything is soo boring. just thinking about it. i have mock exams next week. a total of six exams, three of which are on thursday. i have a presentation on the 27th. (yes, of all days possible, it had to be on that day.) i have to start my work experience at pnb as well as finish my ict coursework which has to be 40 pages thick, minimum. most of all, it's valentine's next week and it's gonna be my loneliest one ever. i thought before that being single after coming from a relationship or knowing that your ex is happy celebrating his with someone else is really really sad. i never ever thought that i would be going through all this trouble of being in long-distance relationship. but i will certainly not just sit in my room crying my heart out. instead i'll just do what i did last year. and that's celebrate valentine's with friends. it's alot better than just for me to alone. waah. but let me look at the bright side of things, the positive side of life. after my exams, it's my half-term break. free from college for one week. and working at pnb wouldn't be bad at all. maybe it would be fun. we'll see. and valentine's is just one day. life simply goes on. even if we say that alot can happen in an hour, what more in one day. it doesn't matter. i'm still happy. even if college is crap and being here makes me miss out on alot. even if i'm far from everyone i love, i'm happy. it's crazy, it's ironic. but it's true.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 | 3:47 AM | 0 comments ;
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analyzing love

I wonder why it seems so important these days to analyze everything.Someone says, "I love you," and we feel we should question what they mean.We want to know what they are really saying and wonder what they are feeling. We spend endless hours dissecting why someone would say this or do that, putting under a microscope things that would be better simply accepted.

It is certainly true that the more we know about something or someone, the more we can understand them. But we can never know everything about anything and that's alright too. There is a certain magic in that fact that even after a lifetime of relating the deepest feelings, thoughts and actions may remain incomprehensible.

What we need to know about loving is no great mystery. We all know what constitutes loving behavior; we need but act upon it, not continually question it. Over-analysis often confuses the issue and in the end brings us no closer to insight. We sometimes become too busy classifying, separating, and examining, to remember that love is easy. It's we who make it complicated.

~Leo Buscaglia (Born For Love)

Sunday, February 04, 2007 | 1:46 PM | 0 comments ;
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coz it's a tuesday.

January 30, 2007

i am so temped to blog right now. i am in my ict class trying to do my coursework which 40% of my whole grade but instead here i am, blogging. try and stop me. haha. my friend is so absorbed in her coursework. which is so good of her. while i am here beside her envious of the fact her mind is working. apparently mine isn't. haha. however the others are also pretending to be doing their coursework. one's not even in this class but she's here with her friends blabbering away. another is watching prisonbreak on the internet. the others, no clue. funny how i can just type and type when i blog.

anyways, today i feel alot better than yesterday. yesterday was just so awful. it was so sloow. sometimes it was as if time has just stopped for some moments. my friends here was saying it was not like to be so quiet. so what if i wasn't myself. so what if i wasn't feeling okay. the world still goes round. time still goes on.

so frankly speaking, i kept thinking why i am so down yesterday. and after alot of debating between myself and me, i considered the option that i was scared. terrified. but wasn't actually paranoid. somehow i felt my heart was being pierced in the middle over and over again. but then i wasn't exactly heartbroken. so what's wrong with me. nothing really. it's just one of those days that you feel all of the weight of the world on your shoulder. and all you need is to let it all out.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007 | 4:03 AM | 0 comments ;
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yesterday trip

january 28, 2007

oh well. yesterday didn't turn out as expected. my trip to cambridge was kinda disappointing in a way. cambridge university is such a wonderful place. but my experience wasn't such a happy time. it was really tiring. and i was a little badtrip at the end of the day. so to simply summarize things, the day started out when my only friend on this trip was late. i thought what if she wasn't able to make it. it would be crap to go to on this trip alone. good thing she arrived and we were off. it was a two hour drive to cambridge. so bored on the way to or from. actually slept on the way back. i also walked in the rain. so uncomfortable in my coat. wanted to talk to him so much. argh. haha. it was as if everything had gone wrong. till i eventually questioned why i wanted to be there on that bus. then i decided to just let it go. what the heck? i was already there. but then i'm glad i got to talk to him at the end of the day. yey! but was feeling so homesick. yes, last night was the time i decided to feel homesick. so, as usual i had to pour it out. to just let it all out.

Saturday, January 27, 2007 | 1:39 PM | 0 comments ;
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weeeh first time.

january 24, 2007. it's official. it snowed. woohoo. first time. please note the past tense. wasn't able to see the snow dropping. we just woke up to a white morning. i'm actually considering to not sleep until i see snow dropping. haha. it's so exciting to see snow. i don't care if it's freaking cold. yeah, i had to wear three layers of clothes. and still, the cold got to me.but anyways, i just love it. i love the view. you can see the park and leafless trees all in white. so nice. it's also fun to have snowball fights. but it sometimes hurts, i tell you. especially if it's a big snowball. omg, i'm just so excited. haha. london is the place for so many new firsts. so many new experiences. and little things in life that are totally different. but that's another entry for some other day.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007 | 2:59 PM | 0 comments ;
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happy 2007!


Sunday, December 31, 2006 | 2:42 PM | 2 comments ;
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stolen quotes

some quotes i got from the internet. so nice..

It seems like yesterday
that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday
I didn't know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow
I may not get by
But I will try
I will try
Wipe the tears from my eyes.

You know that I'm just the kind of girl
that feels so hurt and smiles
I don't use excuses
Don't ask why
It's just a breakdown
It happens all the time.

Ever had one of those days
Where you hate the world&
Anything that happens
Even dropping your pen
Makes you want to break down and cry?

he gets her out of bed in the morning,
drags her to school, pulls her through classes,
brightens up her day, & doesn't even know he does it.

if we were a movie,
you'd be the right guy,
and i'd be the best friend
that you fall in love with in the end.

just once, i want to be someone's reason for waking up.
someone's reason for going through another day.
just one time, i want to be the one being wished for.
i want to be the reason he says "i'm so lucky to have her"

Maybe, just for one day
we could be together
holding hands while walking around.
making every girl jealous
that I got you by my side.

Everytime she laughs
She hopes he's watching
Not so he sees that she's happy
but that maybe, just maybe
He'll fall for her smile
Just as hard as she fell for his

Thursday, December 28, 2006 | 11:13 AM | 0 comments ;
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my sentiments: longing for a shoulder to cry on.. longing for someone..anyone?

december 26, 2006

NOTE: the article you're about to read has not really been thought through because everything just came out straight from my head with the tears causing me to write drama. it's best if you do not read it, it'll save you from so much sadness. STOP now please. but if you do decide to read on, i ask for only one thing. do not judge me solely based on this entry. there's a whole lot more to me than just this one-time feeling. please do not judge, just try to understand. thank you.

i tried to keep it all inside. i tried to hide it thinking this is nothing. that what i'm feeling is something that will just pass. oh was i wrong. i couldn't keep it in. i just had to let it out. so of course, i did burst into tears. i was crying non-stop for quite some time like a faucet, in my very own bathroom because it is the only place in our house i can be alone. alone to my thoughts and my tears. aside from crying, i decided to do what seems to be my outlet for all my pain, hurt and sadness. you can find my happiness in pictures. all the smiles, laughters and good times. i have decided too that i would only write this entry here and not in my multiply, myspace or friendster. coz i'm not sure if anyone's reading this. and of course, i don't want people who do not know me personally cast me as 'mababaw' or too sensitive, making a big deal of out nothing. i am merely writing all that has made me cry my heart out.

i am lonely. i want a shoulder to cry on. i need someone, anyone to listen to me. i know i am not alone. HE is listening. HE is there, here with me. and i'm sure HE knows how hard everything is for me. i should be grateful and i am. i can get anything i want, i get the chance to have a wonderful education, i know i have people waiting for me to return home. so why am i sad? why am i feeling so lonely, crying and writing all this down?

"kung gusto, maraming paraan"

such a cliche-ic thing to say. but for me this is true. i would do anything and everything for someone i love, for a friend, for family, even for him. is it a bad thing for me to want people to show that i mean something to them? is it such a bad thing to, once in a while, want someone to go out of their way despite their busy schedules just to make me smile and remind be that i am deeply missed most because of the distance apart? i am not bad person at all, right? i'm friendly, thoughful and caring. i'm also understanding and a good person. argh! is it a bad thing to want people to show me (rather remind me) that i am special to them, the way i show it to them? yeha i know, it's better to give than receive. and that it's the thought that counts. but what if thoughts weren't enough and that they were just in people's heads.

is it too much to ask if someone, just one person, to send me a card or a simple postcard as a reminder that i am not forgetten? i want someone, atleast one, to be able to stop whatever they maybe doing and think of me, even for just a minute. to wonder if i'm alright, if i'm happy or if anyone's taking care of me. sometimes i think what if i don't do anything to keeping touch with my friends, what will they do? will they try and and reach me? will they try to find me? or would it be that i may have just disappeared and no one will ever notice? i am jealous of those people in the same situation as me, far from friends and loved ones in a country that's new to them, and yet happy because they are reminded everyday that they are missed and their absence has made such a big differnce.

i'm not angry at my friends nor do i hold any grudges. maybe a little disappointed. but i understand. everyone has things that keep them busy. and certain things cost money. so i can't blame them for not trying. i'm just glad that everytime i reach out for them, they still reach for me as well. i hope they never get tired of holding on.

i think i now know what really it is i want. i know that there are people waiting for my return. and i know this, for a fact. i guess, all i want is for people to remind me that i am missed. that i am needed. a reminder for me that i am loved and never will i be alone. that despite the distance, they will always be there for me. another thing is that i am scared. i am sometimes actually scared to go home. i'm scared that things would be different. i don't want to go home just to find out that i have nothing in common with my friends anymore or there are certain gaps in our relationship. i hate to be such a pessimist. but sometimes things like this happen, although i'm wishing it doesn't happen to me and my friends.

so everything comes down to this.
1) i want to be reminded that i am missed, loved but most of all, not forgetten by friends and loved ones.
2) i am scared. scared that things would turn out for the worst. and that the reason for leaving was to lose everything that mattered to me. oh i hope not. (naku wag naman po sana!)
3)and lastly, i do hope there is atleast one person reading this now, please don't judge me as someone too sensitive. think of me as someone going through a difficult and new stage in her life right now and is in badly need of a squeeze, a hug in a new world.

like my friend said, i know this might sound trivial to whoever might read this but believe me when i say that it isn't to me. we all have our own different problems. for others, it may seem shallow but for that person, mabigat na yun. for now that's it, we'll see how this turns out.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006 | 5:48 AM | 0 comments ;
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happy holidays!

video hosting

Monday, December 25, 2006 | 2:46 PM | 2 comments ;
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december 25, 2006

okay. so it's officially past one, christmas day, london time. (it's past nine in the morning in the philippines) just finished eating with my family and now, i'm typing away here in my blog. to be honest, i'm not really thrilled. i'm still happy that it is in fact christmas. but somehow it just feels different. and you probably know why already.

alot of firsts this season. the obvious ones of course are my first christmas abroad. my first christmas here in london. my first christmas far from friends and relatives. then there are those other firsts like first christmas with filipinos here. first christmas officially with someone.(although not physically of course) first christmas in winter. first christmas i'm actually thinking about time difference and all the sending of cards and calling home. argh, i could just go on and on to come up with some crazy first.

but it's really nice to know that people here also celebrate christmas eve and the whole christmas season. with their pine trees and gifts. i wonder what new year would be like here. hmmm..

christmas will always be christmas. no matter where you are in this world. i'm just glad that i'm not alone. coz i have my family. atleast i don't have to be all alone, giving a toast to myself. one thing i've learned is that you have to know how to make the best out of everyday. only then would you be able look forward to tomorrow, as well as to that day where you would be exactly where you want to be, happy and content.

merry christmas everyone!! hope you would enjoy today like i will.

| 1:42 AM | 2 comments ;
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something to learn

I've learned that when you plan to get even with someone, you're only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned that ignoring the facts do not change the fact.

I've learned that the easiest way to grow as a person is to surround yourself with people smarter than you are.

And i've learned that life is tough, but you can be tougher.

Saturday, December 23, 2006 | 1:02 PM | 1 comments ;
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my first christmas

dec16, 2006

wow, i can't believe it's christmas already. then it would be new year. six months has passed since i left pinas. so many has changed. somehow i am getting used to life here. but at the beginning, it's been really hard for me. there were times i couldn't stop my tears and i would hide in the bathroom just so they wouldn't see me cry. there were also certain decisions i had to make over that six months. and lots of questions i ask myself why i end up here. all that's in the past now. i'm beginning to love it here. (though of course, i still want to go home to pinas.) the best thing i love about living abroad is that i can actually get anything i want here. haha. i am just simply making the best out of life here.

2007 seems so close now. a year has passed. naku. looking back now, it has been such a crazy year. moving, changing, making decisions, adjusting and all the different things i've been through.

during the first night of simbang-gabi, UK version, i can't help but remember last year's simbang-gabi. i'm so proud of the fact that i completed all nine dawn masses!! so of course, i made this wish. but i ain't sure if it did come true. there's something that happened but i can't exactly say that my wish came true. hopefully. christmas here is ALOT different. you don't really hear any carolers. although there is alot of christmas parties here and there. there is simbang gabi. except that it is spent during the evenings from dec15-23. you should smell the pine trees that they sell for christmas trees. ooh, it would really remind you that christmas is nearing.

hay, i just love christmas no matter where i am. yeah, it's sad that i don't get to celebrate it with my friends or him. but they would certainly be in my thoughts. of course i would be keeping in touch. my christmas wish this year would be uhm.. oh, i wish that all my relationships[with friends and family and everyone else] deepen over the years despite the distance. i do wish that i could also go home next year. i super miss pinas already. and of course, there's this other wish but it's gonna be my secret. i do hope it comes true. i'll be keeping fingers crossed. looking ahead to the year 2007, i hope for more blessings and i know it's gonna be another insanely crazy year.

to all my friends, i miss you guys soo much and i also love you guys soo much. wish you all the best this christmas season and let's toast to a new year! see you soon!! and to everyone reading this, happy holidays!!

Saturday, December 16, 2006 | 2:42 PM | 0 comments ;
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10 things to avoid when in a relationship

  1. NEVER flirt when you know you're taken.
  2. NEVER fall in love with others. stay in love with your partner.
  4. NEVER go out without your partner's permission.
  5. NEVER go out for a date with another person.
  6. NEVER do things that will hurt your partner.
  7. NEVER stay quiet, say your feelings you're hurting.
  8. NEVER call or text a person when you know your partner would be jealous.
  9. NEVER kiss and hug with an opposite sex.

Thursday, November 30, 2006 | 12:58 PM | 0 comments ;
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almost complete.. almost perfect..

november 21, 06

haay 18 at last. often times i ask my friends, when they turn 18, 'how does it feel?', 'any changes?' and they always answer, 'not much', 'not really'. and it is true. what happens when one turns 18 anyway? they can vote. they can drive. they can go watch r-18 movies. they can have a job. this and that..

but i don't feel 18 yet. it's not sinking into me that i'm 18. i feel like right now, it doesn't even matter.

anyways, i enjoyed my 18th birthday celebration. they were teasing me that it started as early as wednesday evening [nOte: my birthday was on a thursday. last thursday.] because we had a dinner invitation at the Royal Garden Hotel for FriendsPhilippines. [nOte: i have pics from that night, just check my photos page.] there were ABS-CBN people and the Bayanihan Dance Troupe who were really good! and i actually was drinking red wine and dancing with my parents. [wait, that didn't sound right. haha!] we got home around midnight here and people started greeting me already.

so on the 16th of nov, i woke up a little later than usual and it got frustrating because my mom was dressing me up like a barbie. making me change this that, and aside from traffic, she almost got me late because i left the house late. it was raining at first but good thing it stopped because my friends and i planned to have lunch outside college. we had lunch at subway, which was at the hammersmith station. i treated them to sandwiches and they surprised me with gifts and cake. and sadly, no candles. hahaha! i was surprised with their gifts. truly so touched. but we had to go back to college because some of us still had classes.

upon arriving home, i changed immediately because we had to leave for the embassy. when we arrived there, my mom told me to stay first at my dad's office. because they were preparing of a surprise of some sort. turns out they had planned a small program for me including 18 roses and 18 candles. i thought it was just suppose to be some kainan lang. but it was more than that. [many thanks to tita she!!] after the short program, my dad gave a speech on my behalf because i already felt like crying. and actually did. mixed emotions really. i was so touched and happy. i didn't expect that. i was sad because of course, it was complete. i still didn't have my last dance. haay..

what was funny was that there was also a party the next day. another birthday party for a one year old. [baby mia!!] they were saying that it was like my party, day three. haha! and my celebration would have ended today at Buckingham Palace. because the Queen is holding some dinner for the diplomatic delegations. i could have come along if my dad had only known that i was allowed to come along. damn. what an ending it could have been to my so-called week-long celebration!! oh well, there's still next year for the Queen. watch out! haha.

what makes me really sad is the fact that not everyone was able to greet me. i can actually count on my fingers who remembered my birthday from back home. i can understand that everyone's really busy with school and life so i'm not really holding grudges or any disappointment with them. but it's one thing i really wished for. for my friends back home to be able to go out of their way just to remind me that i am not forgotten. it was really important that they remembered or greeted me on my birthday this year because this is my first birthday here in london and aside from that, my 18th as well. argh!! i'm really wishing that they're no longer disappointed in me about my decision. i still miss and love all my friends deeply. and always will. [waaah! tama na nga ang drama! hahaha! moving on...]

i've made so many wishes today that i hope every wish i made will eventually compare. i've said all my prayers to God and i feel really blessed for everything i have right now.for whatever reason he has brought me here, i fully accept that life must go on and know that life will someday become the way i want it to be. or maybe better. as for now, i'm beginning to enjoy this experience one day at a time.

to those who has shared their laughter and smiles and tears with me, to those who have influenced me, to those who have always been there for me despite the distance, to those who understood and continue understanding me, to those who care for me, to everyone who has become a part of my life, even for a short while, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. i'm sorry for any disappointment i may have given you guys. maybe i could make up for it. someday. and for everything esle, life's good!!

so although the day started out bad with rain and dress-ups and monthly periods and traffic, everything else was perfect. well atleast, almost perfect..

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 | 12:08 PM | 0 comments ;
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i love my girlfriends!

i look at my friends, then i look at me. without my hunnys, where would i be? my friends, my sisters, m shadow, my world. where would i be without my girls? tears, giggles, smiles and laughs, late night calls and cute photographs. i'll be there for you till the day of my death. BEST GIRLIES FOREVER, TILL MY VERY LAST BREATH.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006 | 12:36 PM | 0 comments ;
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especially for you, my friend

October 21, 06

lately i've been thinking about what you said. all i can tell you right now is i'm happy with my decision. i know we've talked about this so many times before and said so many things. but then i had to take it back. i want to give him another chance. even if it means i'm being stupid.

i know you're disappointed. (so are others) but please understand that i'm not as strong as when we used to talk about it. no matter how many times i try or how hard i try, i just can't forget. i keep coming back to it. i value your honesty in telling me the truth about how you feel.

i'm really thankful for you. because you've been there when i needed someone the most. because you are one of the people who has influenced me and taught me some things i now know. but i feel i need to do this. i just can't explain why. you're the one who told me that things happen for a reason. but i don't yet what the reason is for this. but i hope it's not losing you.

don't worry too much that i'd end up just getting hurt and having my heart broken. again. coz that's what seems to always happen to me. this time, i'm not scared that what if tomorrow he decides to break up with me. because if ever that happens, i have the time and space i'd need to really move on. and if this time it doesn't work again, then it isn't really meant to be. [at di ko na ipagpipilitan pa] one thing i'm really scared of though is that i may lose you as a friend. (and the others as well)

yes, i know. i'm really stupid and very crazy to try again. but i just don't want to be stupid and lose you altogether. you're very important to me and i really hope you'll understand. i'm happy with him right now and the decision i made. but i can't be completely and truly happy if you're not cool with it. it would mean so much to me. but i do understand if you can't.
i'm really sorry. hope i could make up for it. or maybe we could come up with something to make this work. i'm sorry.

Saturday, October 21, 2006 | 12:06 PM | 0 comments ;
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do you have any clue?

october 19, 06

how do you make decisions in your life?

there are so many decisions we must make in this world. so many choices to choose from. so many mistakes to make and learn from.

which one would you follow: your intuition, your mind or your heart?

people sometimes act on impulse, on intuition. they make a decision because of a gut feeling. they're not even sure why they made that choice. they just think it's possibly right. other people choose to follow their minds because it usually sees the reality of life. they say we should listen to our mind instead of following our heart. that's why the mind is above the heart. some people choose to listen to their heart. because sometimes the heart knows best. people decide because of passion.

so do you choose what is supposed to be the right thing to do or follow your feelings even if it is wrong? would you take the risk, knowing what the consequences are?

doing the right thing doesn't guarantee that you wouldn't feel any pain. it normally means sacrificing things that mean alot to you. it's just one of the consequences that is possible to happen.

in the end, how do you if you've made the right decision? or if it's something you're not going to regret?

recently, i made a decision out of impulse and passion. in other words, i decided to go with my heart inside of listening to my mind. my mind tells me it's a very stupid thing to do. but then, it's just feels so right. i took the risk again. like i have always have. stupid, yeah i know. but then i am happy. [just don't argue with me now that for how long will this last]

not everyone will agree with what i did. others would just say it's ok, just for me. i can't please everyone and i know some will be really disappointed. [and already are] it's just so hard trying not to lose everyone who matters to me so much. i'm so far away and i'm dealing with this. i have to. it's so damn harder dealing with this and being so far away.

i need clarity right now. everything seems so blurred. i need someone who i can talk to right now. to just listen and then comfort me. i want to cry and lean on someone's shoulder and get a nice big hug. if you could only see now, you wouldn't see any signs of confusion or sadness. you will only be seeing me smile and laugh. as if everything's just fine. when it really isn't.

by the way, to those reading this who would perceive me right now as some what dramatic and all this being too much drama, i'm really sorry because in reality, i'm no drama queen at all. i just need to let it all out. all the pain-hurt-agony-sorrow-sadness-anger-misery-whatever you name it that life brings. it's better than crying or shouting or screaming. this is quiet. and best of all, it works for me.

Thursday, October 19, 2006 | 12:02 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y


October 1 - 10:28pm

it's raining again. as i hold my umbrella and look around, i can't help but think about stuff. stuff concerning things in the past, things happening now and looking ahead to what could be. i've got myself thinking if i made the right decisions. i don't want to live my life in regrets, let alone wondering what could have been.

i'm scared and really terrified. i'm scared of losing everything because of a wrong choice. oh please don't let this be the wrong choice.

i don't want you to choose me just because i'm the safe option. i don't want you to choose me because i've never left you in the past. i don't want you to choose me just because i've always been here.

i want you to choose me not because you need me but that you really want me. i want you to choose beacuse there simply is no one else. i want you to choose me because there simply is no other choice.

and i chose you not because i can't live without you. oh i can leave without you but i choose not to.

Sunday, October 01, 2006 | 10:28 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

just pass me by

September 30 - 6:58pm

i've just got my caramel macchiato. there was a long line for hot drinks since it just finished raining hard and now all that's left is drizzle of rain and alot of wet ground. it's quite a long walk to the park in Leicester Square and hundreds of people are all around. i see families, tourists, couples, friends...oh the list just goes on.

i think about life here in the UK. everything is fast-paced. it's just so different.

i think about how i really have to spend alot for keeping in touch with text messages to people back home. and slowly text messages i send are lessened. and it's gonna be harder to keep in touch.

i think about i feel so left out from everything. i feel i'm missing out on alot. i'm so sad i'm not able to be a witness to all that is happening in my friends' lives. not everyone keeps in touch. but then i can't blame them. coz we're all busy anyway. sometimes i feel my friends are disappointed in me and avoiding me because of decisions i made. sometimes i feel like i'm forgetten. but that's too much drama even for me.

they say there's a reason for everything. i don't want the reason for my being here is losing everyone that means the most to me.

then i wouldn't have any reason to go back home. ='(

Saturday, September 30, 2006 | 6:58 PM | 0 comments ;
sprinklinq love Y

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